Miss Manners: She sent a snide note about the design of our holiday card

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year at Rosh Hashanah, we send out distinctive beautiful personalized New Year’s cards to our Jewish friends and family. Most of the recipients are people we are close to, but not all of them.

Some years, we order too many cards and have some left over. This year, I told my husband to order fewer, with the thought that if we run short, we could send one of the cards that was left over from a prior year. (This would only be the second time in 20 years that we have done this.)

Given that few reciprocate anymore with their own cards and we are under no obligation to send cards at all, I saw nothing wrong with this.

But we received an email from one of the recipients (who, I might note, has never sent us a card) thanking us for “resending” a card, which we interpreted as a snide comment.

Obviously, she remembered the card from a prior year, which I am not certain I would have. We are irked, but did we violate the rules of etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Remind your husband to buy even fewer cards next year. Miss Manners advises that someone who considers the design of a holiday card to be more important than the message be dropped from the list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am frequently included in group texts involving relatives, friends and former colleagues. These conversations range from lighthearted banter to grave news or shared memories.

While I am not always interested in the topics discussed, I worry that failing to reply — what my daughter calls “ghosting” — is rude. I often feel compelled to respond with at least an emoji to avoid appearing disinterested or annoyed, even when I have nothing substantive to contribute.

What is your perspective on this? Is it considered rude to remain a silent observer of the conversation? Additionally, is it acceptable to leave a group to which you were added without your consent?

GENTLE READER: Oddly, it is the young who seem to cling to the old rules about correspondence, now that circumstances have dramatically changed.

Of course, they don’t know that there were old rules requiring prompt answers to chatty letters. But “prompt” meant within a few days, not much more than a week, and the letters received had taken a few days or a week to arrive. So two or three exchanges a month was a heavy correspondence.

And people did not tend to chronicle their every breath for mass distribution. Generally you heard from people when they had something to say to you.

So no, you don’t have to spend your days cheering on everyone — just people you really know. You should always respond to serious announcements, such as marriages, births or deaths, but only occasional responses are required for trivia.

Still, what your daughter calls ghosting — opting out from receiving all this — is considered a statement. And it is unnecessary, as we all have delete buttons.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to live with your boyfriend if you’re not currently married to him? Or does it really matter if you’re married, just as long as you love each other?

GENTLE READER: You might want to ask your parents. Miss Manners considers it none of her business.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.