Asking Eric: Why won’t she give me the heirlooms? She’s not even part of our family.

Dear Eric: Ten years ago, my dad passed away. Within a few months, my stepmom — his wife of 25 years — started dating again. She is now involved with a partner who is kind and fair.

My issue is with her assumed role as conservator of my family’s things. Nothing of huge value, but of great importance to me. My father was a writer, and his parents were classical composers. Things like my grandfather’s grand piano and library were given to my dad and are still in his house.

My father was a deeply sentimental person, as am I, so I find it difficult to believe he left my sister and I nothing to remember him by. What seems more likely is she has chosen not to execute his will.

Or perhaps he trusted her, we’ll never know. This woman travels constantly and has a taste for the finer things.

Recently, I have contacted her regarding my grandmother’s estate, which was left to my dad. By default, this woman now has it in her possession.

When I’ve asked for even small things with no significance to her — paintings, my great-grandmother’s ring, etc. — she has shut it down expertly.

I’m not a calculating person; I just want my things. We keep a very superficial relationship. My sister wretches when she comes up, so it’s all on me. I want to do right by my family, and this just isn’t it.

– Lost Heirlooms

Dear Heirlooms: If your father did have a will for which your stepmother was the executor, she does not have the option of simply choosing not to execute it. While executors have time to complete estate administration, 10 years stretches beyond reasonable expectations.

So, it behooves you to try to determine if there was a will. You can talk to an estate attorney about your options there and with regard to making a formal request for some of the other heirlooms.

It would be a shame for this to escalate to a legal back-and-forth, but if she hasn’t executed the will, or if she’s being unresponsive to requests for items to which she has no connection, that may be your only recourse.

Dear Eric: I have an incurable disease that governs my life. I’ve had this disease for years, but the past four years I’ve deteriorated quite significantly and I never know until the last minute if I can keep plans or go out with others.

I can’t eat from restaurants, I must carry my own food, and my friends have completely stopped asking me to join them in any capacity – even a group outing where me having to cancel wouldn’t hinder the event.

I feel very left out. I’ve expressed this and for a bit I was “re-included” but I’ve gotten very ill this last year and I’m even more housebound.

I’d be OK with people gathering at my place just so I can have a social life. They say it’s a burden to drive out to me, 30 minutes away, yet I see they post on social media places that are out by me or 30 minutes from them in the other direction.

They refer to me as a great friend. Some say BFF. But I’m treated like I don’t exist.

What do you suggest? I’m only 62 and may have many years to go — not the healthiest, but I’m still here.

– Feeling Left Out

Dear Left Out: I’m sorry your health and your social situation are causing so much difficulty in your life.

It can be so easy for folks to forget that we all have needs and wants that our friends accommodate. Remembering that we’re all here to support each other and to see each other in our fullness – what we need and what we have in abundance; what we can still learn and what we know by heart – is one of the gifts of friendship.

It may be helpful to think about your friends individually, rather than as a group. Are there some who were better at “re-inclusion” than others? You might try to reach out to them with a concrete suggestion of something you’d like to do.

It’s also OK to challenge your friends when they say things like driving to see you is a burden. That’s not language that expresses care. Say something like, “I feel hurt and dismissed when you say things like that. I value you as a friend and from what you’ve said, I believe you value me. But it’s hard for me to feel that when you won’t help me stay included.”

If they can’t or won’t meet you where you are, conceptually and physically, they may not be the friends you need at this point in your life.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.