Harriette Cole: My friend’s indiscretion at the club made me look bad

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently tried to merge separate friends for an outing, and it failed terribly.

I invited a new friend of mine to go out with my girlfriends and me to a Latin club that we often frequent. At first, everyone was having a great time, and my girlfriends couldn’t stop talking about how cool my new friend was and how much everyone was enjoying hanging out with her.

The problem arose because my new friend was on the hunt to find a man. She started talking to men in the club, but then she began hitting on the guy one of my girlfriends is seeing. Obviously, this infuriated the group and me. I confronted her, and she said she didn’t see anything wrong with it since they’re not officially dating.

I honestly don’t even want to see my new friend again, and now my girlfriends are mad at me for inviting her in the first place.

How can I make it up to my friends? Should I stop hanging out with this new friend?

— Mad Friend

DEAR MAD FRIEND: Integrity is what’s in question here. Your new friend crossed a clear line by flirting with someone from your friend group who was obviously seeing another member of the group. Her excuses are bad, and they point to her willingness to collapse basic rules of social decorum for her own personal interest.

She cannot be trusted. Tell her how disappointed you are in her behavior, and step away from her. Let your other friends know how sorry you are that this woman violated a basic boundary in friendship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it OK for a first date to be a little awkward?

The other night I went out on a date with this guy who is exactly what I look for on paper. He’s attractive, tall, educated and has a good job.

We were supposed to have wine on the pier, but when we sat down, he realized he didn’t have a corkscrew and was annoyed with himself. We stayed on the pier and talked, but there was an underlying awkwardness after the plan went awry.

He says he wants to see me again, which I’m open to, but I don’t want another awkward encounter that leaves me wondering if I did or said something wrong.

Do you think it was a little awkward because of the failed plans, or do you think we just didn’t click?

— Wondering Dater

DEAR WONDERING DATER: First dates are usually awkward. So what? If you like this guy enough to get to know him better, go out with him again.

Stop trying to evaluate every single second of your encounter to see if he measures up. Relax and enjoy yourself. Laugh about the missing corkscrew. Next time if something odd happens, address it and move on. Not everything is a big deal — unless you turn it into that.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.