Miss Manners: I’m 28, and my mother is adamant I should be married and pregnant

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We have agreed that when he graduates from college, we will get engaged, and then marry about a year later (or whenever it feels right).

He has also been taking care of me while I have been unemployed for the past year. We’re both 28.

All through our relationship, my mother has said very hurtful things to me about our timeline, and also about my career. She can’t seem to get it out of her head that my life should go at the same pace hers did. She was married at 24 and right away bought a house and cars, and worked at the same company for 30 years.

She keeps insisting that my time to have children is almost over, and that he should have proposed to me a year ago. She says that he doesn’t really love me if he doesn’t want to get married, and that she is embarrassed of me because I don’t have a job.

My usual reply is that God will give me children at any age if I am supposed to have them, and that if my boyfriend didn’t love me, he wouldn’t have been taking care of me for so long and planning his life with me.

I don’t know how else to respond to get her to stop saying these hurtful things to me. “I’m happy” and “it’s out of my control” aren’t working.

GENTLE READER: We need a new tactic. Your being happy is subjective, and it being out of your control is not entirely true — in your mother’s mind, at least.

To be clear, Miss Manners does not defend your mother berating you and your boyfriend. It is unkind and unfair. But pleading with her for a different response is proving ineffective.

Perhaps you can take a stronger approach: “I’m sorry you don’t like it, but this is what works for us.” And then change the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: New partners should not be in the family pictures. If the relationships don’t last, it ruins the pictures. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.

I know, others may get divorced, etc. but I think the one-year rule is a good one.

GENTLE READER: Sure. But Miss Manners thought the point of taking pictures was to get a time capsule from the moment.

What better way to do so than to remember Samson’s kooky girlfriend from college who was into competitive duck herding? What ever happened to her?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I say to a neighbor who brought us a carrot souffle to try? We did not care for it. She’s having the car club over and is making four dishes of it!

GENTLE READER: “Thank you.” And then hope — as Miss Manners does — that if the souffle is really that bad, the car club has the means to make a quick getaway.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.