Asking Eric: My boyfriend told me his neighbor’s secret, and I wish he hadn’t

Dear Eric: My 77-year-old boyfriend has a lovely 95-year-old neighbor whom I visit with him, and sometimes on my own.

Recently, my boyfriend has been ill and has been staying with me. His neighbor has called me a couple of times to hear how he is doing.

Yesterday, he felt well enough to go back to his home and she confided in him that she will never call me again as I said something that hurt her feelings. She told him not to tell me.

So, what does he do? He tells me.

I was so distraught as I cannot think of what I said to hurt her, and I feel he should not have told me since she told him not to. I have known her for four years. I hug her hello and goodbye, have brought her flowers and have always admired her.

He said he did not want to keep “a secret” from me and that’s why he told me. I feel that he should have honored her wishes, or told her not to involve him but to talk to me directly.

I don’t feel I can address her about this issue, or she will know he did not abide by her wishes. And now I will feel very awkward around her.

He insists he was right to have told me. Am I wrong for not wanting to know? Had he not told me, I feel she would have eventually gotten over it or would have told me directly.

– Upset

Dear Upset: His intentions may have been good but I’m not sure what he thought he was accomplishing by telling you that his neighbor was angry with you, especially since he didn’t know the cause. This just puts an unsolvable conflict in your lap.

It would be most helpful if he talked to his neighbor again and asked her what offended her and what you can do to make it right. You then would have more information and could decide if you want to address it or leave it be.

The fault isn’t all his, however. It’s not right for her to tell him that she’s upset with you and then tell him not to tell you. This solves nothing.

But, if your boyfriend won’t address it with her again, it may be best to acknowledge that his neighbor wasn’t really looking for solutions. Hopefully, he remains well and doesn’t have to stay at your home for an extended period again, thereby alleviating the need for her to call.

Dear Eric: I hired a cleaning lady who was great, but she would often bring help with her or send someone in her place.

One of these assistants accidentally broke a decorative piece in the bathroom, which, upon the fall, broke a sink, resulting in a hole in the porcelain. This, in turn, resulted in a bathroom remodel because the entire two-sink vanity needed to be replaced.

The cleaning lady was very apologetic and offered to pay for the sink itself. Since then, a new vanity has been installed.

The assistant took over our account starting in January, and I now deal directly with her only.

After our last cleaning, it was apparent that some things were placed on the counter that stripped the finish on the countertop — marks were left in the shape of rings from the bottom of containers that essentially removed the glossy surface of the counter.

I can’t find any product to restore it without getting some kind of professional to resurface the whole counter.

I told the cleaning person that I would like to skip this month. Her response seemed defensive: “If you need to say something, you can tell me, OK?”

I would like to avoid any future mishaps, but the only way to guarantee it is going back to cleaning my own house. How should I gently break the news to end this professional relationship?

– Double Vanity

Dear Vanity: It sounds like she’s giving you the out that you’re looking for. Because this is a professional relationship, it’s fine to say, “I’ve decided to go a different way” or “I appreciate your services and I know mistakes happen, but this isn’t working for me anymore.”

While the first incident seems to have been handled fairly, it’s a little concerning that some product was placed on your vanity that stripped the finish. Either this is an issue of carelessness or a lack of communication between you and the cleaning service.

Neither is unfixable. But it sounds like the trust that you have about these people being in your home is faltering and so it may always be an issue. It’s OK to say, “We’ve reached the end of our road” and wish her well.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.