DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently brought into a new job by a former manager. The job is very low-key, low-effort and low-work, which I’m not complaining about. It’s a nice change from the busy job I had at a flagship beauty store.
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Today at work, my manager was offered a promotion that would require her to move stores; as a result, my store would more than likely get a new manager.
Would it be stupid for me to follow my manager to her new store? She brought me onto the team herself, and I’m scared that a new manager will be stricter or less accommodating with my schedule.
— Job Mover
DEAR JOB MOVER: What are your goals for this job? It sounds like you value convenience and flexibility right now more than a path to a career goal. If this manager seems to be in sync with your current needs and desires, ask her whether you can join her at her new store.
Just make sure you don’t mislead her. You will have to show your loyalty to her and her goals if you move with her. She may be counting on the energy and effort that you demonstrated at your previous job to help at this new company. Find out what her vision is and how you fit into it before you make your pitch.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling with a friendship that used to mean a lot to me but now feels increasingly one-sided.
This person was once one of my closest friends, but over the past several months, I’ve felt more neglected than valued. We live less than 10 minutes apart, yet we’ve seen each other only twice in nearly eight months — and both times, I was the one who reached out and made the plans.
What’s confusing is that whenever we do spend time together, she says things like, “We should be closer” or “We need to hang out more.” But her actions don’t reflect that.
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She’s often out with other friends, yet I’m rarely, if ever, included. Recently, she even traveled out of state and made time to see my sister — someone she’s not particularly close to — and sent me a photo saying we’re “sisters for life.” That moment really stung.
The relationship is starting to feel forced and inauthentic. Am I expecting too much, or is it time to reevaluate this friendship?
— Times Have Changed
DEAR TIMES HAVE CHANGED: Drum up the courage to speak to your friend directly about this. Schedule a time to be face to face. Tell her how you feel — namely, that she no longer seems to put effort into your friendship and that it hurts your feelings.
Point out that you used to hang out together but rarely see each other now. Tell her you miss her and would like to spend more time together.
See what she says. It could be that you have naturally drifted apart, or it could be something else. Listen to learn, and then decide your next steps.
If she is unwilling to put in more effort, you may have to accept that this friendship’s dynamics have changed. It may be time to change your expectations.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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