Harriette Cole: I’m livid that my boyfriend proposed to me this way

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend proposed to me at my best friend’s wedding, and I am livid at him for thinking that I would like this type of proposal.

It was such a distasteful idea on his part, because I am the type of person who hates to take away attention from people when it’s their special day. My boyfriend did ask permission from my best friend, and she was so excited to help be a part of the surprise, but I still didn’t like that he proposed this way.

Everyone around us was cheering and congratulating us, but I couldn’t fully enjoy the moment because all I could think about was whether we had just overshadowed my best friend’s wedding.

Even though she kept reassuring me she was thrilled for us and had encouraged my boyfriend to do it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right place or time. I spent the rest of the reception feeling guilty instead of celebrating what should have been one of the happiest moments of my life.

When we got home, I told my boyfriend how disappointed I was that he would dare pull a stunt like that.

Is it reasonable to feel disappointed even though everyone else involved thought it was a nice idea?

— Bad Timing

DEAR BAD TIMING: I agree that your boyfriend’s timing was off. No matter how sweet his intention, he did draw energy away from the newlyweds by proposing to you there. Thank goodness he got your best friend’s blessing, but you aren’t wrong in being upset.

That said, you also shouldn’t hold on to your anger and frustration. He had a good idea that was executed at the wrong time. Everyone gathered there seemed to have rallied and celebrated the two of you at that moment.

It’s best not to hold a grudge forever. What you and your fiance need to do now is talk seriously about values, goals and dreams for the future. Talk about how you make decisions and what to do when you make mistakes. You will have to figure out how to forgive him and move on — or else you will be starting off in discord.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is my first summer away from home, and my baby sister’s birthday is coming up. She’s turning 11, and this will be her first birthday that I’m not present for. I feel extremely guilty.

I desperately wanted to be able to go home for her birthday, but with my work and school schedules, it’s impossible.

She told me before how much she misses me when I’m gone, and I know not being there for her birthday will hurt both of us.

Do you have any advice or recommendations on how to celebrate her from states away?

— Party Pooper

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Thank goodness for modern technology. Coordinate with your family to find a time when you can do a video call with your sister during her birthday celebration. Then be fully present on the phone, singing to her and celebrating her from a distance.

In advance, you can send a gift she can open with the rest of her presents. Sure, she will wish you were there in person, but your effort will shine through.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.