Harriette Cole: I scoffed at her use of a matchmaker and now my daughter isn’t speaking to me

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just told me she’s spent thousands of dollars on a matchmaker to help her with her love life. I can’t seem to understand why she would do such a thing.

My daughter is beautiful, smart and accomplished. I imagine she should be able to find love for free. When she told me about this, I could barely conceal my shock. I didn’t mean to shame her, but I wish she didn’t feel that purchasing a service is her only option to find love.

She’s upset with me and accused me of being archaic. I disagree. I just wonder, if it takes thousands of dollars and a mediator to connect with a stranger, are they really your soulmate?

Am I being unreasonable? Perhaps someone can help me understand this concept, because at present my daughter isn’t speaking to me.

— Match Made With Money

DEAR MATCH MADE WITH MONEY: Your daughter lives in the age where many people meet online through dating apps and other seemingly artificial ways of finding a partner. A matchmaker is actually a blast from the past. It used to be that each community had someone whose role was to help find the right partner for members of their world. Sometimes it was a spiritual action; other times, a practical and strategic one.

Today’s matchmakers do charge, but commonly they have a huge databank of potential matches, people who have decided that they want a serious relationship and have put their stake in the ground about who they are looking for. Matchmakers also do background checks to determine safety and viability of candidates.

Give your daughter a break. She may be onto something.

DEAR HARRIETTE: May I make another suggestion for “Empty-Nester,” the 60-year-old woman who raised four children by herself and now finds herself alone and lonely?

There are many children out there who thrive on the kind of love that she has to give. And the wonderful thing is, they give it back many times over.

She is still young, so if she wants to keep working, consider finding a job at a school as a teacher’s aide, lunchroom and playground assistant or tutor. Believe me, the children will get to know you, and if you are kind to them, they will be happy to see you every day. They will freely give the kind of hugs she misses getting from her own children.

If she wanted to work at home, she could consider doing before-school and after-school care for a single child or small family. Since she is a pro at getting kids to where they need to be, her expertise would be a godsend for a parent who is unable, because of work, to do those important tasks. If she would rather volunteer, her library or community center could match her up with some children who need help with schoolwork, an invaluable service that someone with time on her hands can provide.

For those of us who love our work with children, we know how deeply satisfying it can be. I hope that she might consider it.

— Semi-Retired Teacher

DEAR SEMI-RETIRED TEACHER: What brilliant, inspiring advice. Thank you!

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.