Miss Manners: I find my teenage grandson’s public prayer horrifying

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please provide me with a kind way to respond when someone I am having lunch with in a restaurant asks me to join in a blessing before eating?

I would like to say something like, “I’d prefer not to, but I’m happy to wait for you to do so.” I don’t want to provoke a confrontation or have to defend my preference.

Sometimes this is with another female friend, who wants to hold hands while she prays aloud, but lately my teenage grandson has also begun this praying-in-public habit. He doesn’t do the hand-holding thing, but he is Catholic and does the cross afterwards.

I find it rather horrifying, frankly, but I would never hurt his feelings for any reason, and also do not want to upset him if he needs the comfort of faith.

GENTLE READER: You simply say, “I would be happy to,” and then sit silently with your hands on your lap while your friend performs their ritual.

To Miss Manners’ thinking, this is more than merely avoiding a fight: It is the most profound form of respect. Actively participating, and thus pretending to be a member of another religion, is disrespectful not only to your own faith (if applicable), but to your friend’s — whether they see it that way or not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is running for a local political office. I am very supportive, and have donated both time and money to her campaign. However, I’ve now been invited to four different fundraisers for her.

I would be glad to attend without donating additional money, but that doesn’t seem to be possible. The fundraisers don’t allow me to RSVP without either buying a ticket or donating a certain amount. It’s very off-putting.

I hate to be rude, but should I simply not RSVP to these events?

GENTLE READER: If your friend wins the election, Miss Manners trusts you were not planning to call her at home on a Saturday to get preferential treatment in clearing the snow from the street in front of your house.

Even if the candidate has fallen into the bad habit of dressing up fundraisers with the vocabulary of social events, this is the same problem from a different angle: There is your friend, and then there is your representative, and it is time to separate the two. An event to which you have to buy a ticket is not a personal invitation and does not require you to send your regrets if you are unable to attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner keeps shoving his dirty dishes at me at the dinner table, often when I am still eating.

I’ve asked him, nicely, not to do that, saying that if the plates, etc., are in his way, he can just set them aside and I will clear them later. But he keeps doing it.

I’ve tried setting them back or away from me, but he thinks it’s amusing to shove them right back at me.

GENTLE READER: Suggest that your partner clear the dishes himself.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.