Miss Manners: There’s a reason for the rule about white shoes, but you might not want to hear it

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You are a very stupid person if you truly believe that wearing white shoes after Labor Day is a breach of “etiquette.”

It really doesn’t matter what color your shoes are, especially after a specific date or time. It is completely appalling that anyone would live by these rules you so vigorously advocate for.

I do believe that there are some manners which are crucial for everyday life. Yet there are some that are just completely absurd and pointless.

I am horrified at your determination to live your life by the “rules” set down by tradition and custom, and I strongly suggest that in the future, you give actual advice on important matters of manners instead of this rubbish.

Do tell me, if you actually have a reason, why it is offensive to the general public for one to wear white shoes except in summer.

GENTLE READER: Yes, there is a reason: It drives people like you crazy.

And poor Miss Manners, whose onerous life’s work it is to try to persuade people to treat one another decently, needs a bit of harmless amusement now and then.

The rule also exists because, for some less literal-minded people, fading little folk customs — such as this one, marking the seasons — lend charm to an otherwise amorphous era.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent checks to my great-niece for her graduation and to her cousin for her wedding — both events to which I had not received invitations, but that’s not the issue.

I wanted to recognize these milestones, and I wrote a personal letter to accompany each check.

I got an acknowledgment of receipt of the wedding card from the mother of the groom, since I sent it to her address for security purposes. Other than that, I have not heard anything. It is now six weeks later, and my checks have not been cashed.

What to do? Nothing? I could ask my niece and nephew, the respective parents of the recipients, but what is protocol?

I really want these two young people to have the proceeds I sent, although it was not a large amount. Should I wait a certain amount of time before gingerly asking, or just write it off? What’s the grace period on acknowledgments?

GENTLE READER: Failure to acknowledge presents is so common nowadays (especially among people who consider it rude not to respond to a picture of someone’s lunch) that everyone must know the standard reaction ploy: Ask if it has been received, so that blame seems to fall on the delivery system.

In this case, you know one letter got at least as far as the bridegroom’s mother. And you know that she didn’t siphon off that check, as it has not been cashed.

So the variation on the formula which Miss Manners suggests is, “Did you get a chance to pass on that check? Because I see it hasn’t been cashed.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.