Miss Manners: My ungracious guests have me considering poison

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, I have entertained and loved every moment of it. But lately, when having people over, they just spend time talking about restaurants they have been to and what a wonderful experience it was.

I am a good cook, school-trained, and take pride in what I serve. I am fed up with nobody making comments about what I have prepared and instead raving about a restaurant.

My husband says I am too critical and should lighten up. I say, I am fed up. One of these days, I am going to serve arsenic, and that will serve them right!

GENTLE READER: Well, that would shut them up, and get people — even strangers, no doubt — talking about your meals.

Yet Miss Manners sympathizes with you, mainly on the grounds of how deadly dull those conversations must be. She remembers when any discussion of food at the dinner table was considered impolite.

That rule would not have helped you, because it also banned talk about the food that was being eaten. The assumption was that anyone who could afford to entertain dinner guests could also afford an underpaid cook. Any signs of enthusiasm for the meal created suspicions of cook-napping. So when cooks demanded real wages, prompting many hosts to take an interest in cooking their own food, the rule had to be canceled to allow the guests to offer compliments.

Unfortunately, that also unleashed endless talk, not only about restaurants, but also about diets, nutrition, gastric symptoms, preferences, prohibitions and other unappetizing subjects.

It is not just your friends, so it might be difficult to find more interesting guests.

To keep you from poisoning the ones you have, Miss Manners will allow you to do some shameless fishing, prompting them to be more gracious. After listening to yet another paean to a restaurant, you might say, “Oh, dear, that all sounds so good. I can never compete with those wonderful chefs they have.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Referring to “guys” has become a constant refrain during newscasts: “Now over to you guys” for every opening, and “Back to you guys” for every conclusion.

No matter how formal and expensive a restaurant is, the server will greet customers with “How are you guys?” They will then come around during the meal to inquire “How are you guys doing?” and end with, “You guys have a nice night” — regardless of the gender of the diners.

Is anyone else bothered by this? It is getting worse every day. Once you start noticing it, it can drive you crazy.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. And the widespread use of “guys” to address women is particularly mystifying after the fraught learning process of changing job titles from masculine to neutral — “fireman” to “firefighter,” “stewardess” to “flight attendant,” and such.

Miss Manners is just grateful she is not the language police.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.