Asking Eric: People think my Halloween-obsessed sister is weird. Should I be worried about her?

Dear Eric: My 43-year-old sister is completely obsessed with Halloween. Her condo is fully decorated year-round with scary animatronics, she wears Halloween knee socks and shirts every single day, and horror movies are her only topic of conversation.

Our concern grew recently when she wore full Halloween apparel to the birthday parties of her nephews, ages 4 and 2. She even brought a Michael Myers purse, which we felt was highly inappropriate and frightening for toddlers.

She seems completely unable to turn the theme “off,” even for major family milestones that focus on young children.

When our family gently tried to talk to her about this lifestyle, she got incredibly defensive, started crying and said nobody likes who she is or lets her be herself. It breaks my heart to see her hurt, but extended family and outsiders frequently judge her and think she is “weird.”

I love my sister and don’t want her to feel isolated. Do we just let her be herself and ignore the critics, or is this extreme obsession a sign of a deeper issue we should address? How do I support her without pushing her away?

– Pumpkin Spice Sibling

Dear Sibling: The Michael Myers purse notwithstanding, your sister’s interest in Halloween doesn’t seem to be hurting anyone. You can just live and let live here.

She likely knows that others think she’s weird. But by dressing the way she does, she’s showing it’s more important for her to express herself than to give into societal pressure. Other people’s judgments ultimately aren’t worth much. So, if she’s not letting them get to her, it doesn’t make sense for her immediate family to keep bringing them up and making them an issue.

If she was obsessed with “Life is Good” apparel or Christmas sweaters or some other kind of attire, her appearance and choices might go over more smoothly with the general public. But there’s no harm in liking what you like. While her choices wouldn’t be yours, try to be grateful that she’s confident enough to be herself in front of you.

Dear Eric: About two years ago, my husband was “invited” to resign his managerial position at a local company. This followed two less-than-great performance reviews which he claimed were the result of not getting along with his boss.

Fortunately, he was able to find another comparable full-time position quickly. He says he likes his job.

His new position is a hybrid position, and since I work fully remotely, our at-home days overlap. I’ve noticed he probably puts in five hours on those days. I see him running personal errands, taking long lunches, playing video games and doing home chores throughout the workday.

I had previously thought he had a strong work ethic and admired him for that. Now, seeing this behavior, I’ve lost quite a bit of respect for him. I’m not sure how and if I should broach the subject.

I considered this on par with stealing. I’m not his boss, but I am worried about him losing his job. We’re older, but we have about five years to work before retirement is an option. I’m stressed in addition to being disappointed in his lack of work ethic.

– Coworker Spouse

Dear Spouse: While he may not be sitting in front of the computer all day long, it certainly seems like your husband is fairly industrious and good about filling his days. So, it’s possible that the job doesn’t take all eight hours of the workday to complete.

Without being inside his company, it’s hard to tell if this is an issue for his boss. Maybe he’s found a good fit where the culture is centered around getting the job done rather than performing productivity.

Obviously, this is all conjecture. I can’t say for sure. But there can be something strange that happens when you see a partner in their work environment and it’s not always about the work so much as it is about the jarring difference of context.

His work ethic notwithstanding, the issue between the two of you is easier to address.

You’re still stinging from his soft-firing two years ago and you, rightfully, have anxieties about retirement and your financial stability. So, start by talking about those feelings, using your new co-working setup as a jumping off point.

Tell him that you trust him (if you do) but that it’s been hard seeing him spend time during the workday doing other things. Tell him that it has brought up anxieties about your future. Use “I” statements as much as you can, so this doesn’t sound like a performance review.

Ask him if he understands where you’re coming from and if there are things that he can do or say to help you feel better about your plan for the next five years and beyond.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.