Harriette Cole: Should I skip her baby shower because of my values?

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend recently invited me to her baby shower, and I’m conflicted. This will be her fourth child, with her fourth husband.

I knew she had divorced her third husband and was dating again, but I didn’t realize she had remarried.

When she was planning her third wedding, she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I declined. I told her then that I felt she was moving too quickly and not taking marriage seriously, especially with children involved. She didn’t agree with me, and now I see a similar pattern repeating.

While I believe a baby is a blessing and deserves to be celebrated, I’m struggling with whether my presence would feel like I’m endorsing choices I’m genuinely concerned about. Should I attend to support her as a friend and celebrate the child or sit this one out to stay true to my values?

— I Do, I Do, I Do

DEAR I DO, I DO, I DO: You have to decide where you draw the line. Do you want to remain in this woman’s life?

You do not agree with her choices. That may be true for other friends who do things that don’t sit right with you. Can you give her space to be herself and still be in her orbit? If that doesn’t sit well with you, now may be the time to walk away from that friendship. This may start with declining the invitation.

If you do pivot away from her, that doesn’t mean you have ill will toward her. It may simply signal that you don’t want to get caught up in her drama. That’s OK.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dear friend has had a bit of a spiritual awakening over the past year or so. I love seeing him committed to his faith, but what comes with their newfound spirituality is preaching their gospel.

I have been religious all my life, committed to my own religion. So now when my friend talks to me about his faith, it feels more like he’s trying to convince me or change my mind about things.

I thought I was being overly defensive at first, but lately, he’s been doing and saying things that make me think I may be right about him trying to convert me.

Recently, he started sending me videos about his religion and other videos that undercut what my own religion teaches, and that’s inappropriate. At first, I just ignored them, but then I told him that I do not plan to watch what he’s sending. Still, he continues to send videos and invites me to “be open-minded.”

How do I make it clear to him that I do not appreciate what he’s doing?

— Preach the Gospel

DEAR PREACH THE GOSPEL: Sit your friend down and tell him you are happy that he has found his way to faith. Clearly, he is excited right now, and you understand that this is why he is pushing you so hard.

Then strongly say to him that you have your own path that you are passionate about, and you need him to respect your decisions. Ask him to stop sending you videos and other material from his faith and generally stop trying to proselytize you.

If he refuses, block him on the various platforms where he is sending you information.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.