Harriette Cole: I asked my boyfriend to translate, and he said his family was speaking English

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met my boyfriend’s family at their start-of-summer cookout. We are from two different cultures; I am African American, and he is Caribbean.

They were all very welcoming and greeted me with hugs and kisses. At first, I was nervous going, considering his family is way bigger than mine, but the experience eased my nerves.

Everything was good, with one problem: I couldn’t understand what they were saying the majority of the time.

My boyfriend told me his family’s accent isn’t that thick to him, but I was confused during our conversations and had to ask him to translate. He said that they were already speaking English and that my statement was culturally offensive.

Am I wrong for wanting to understand what someone is telling me? How would you recommend I learn to understand the dialect?

— Accent

DEAR ACCENT: Everybody has an accent, including you, and depending on who’s listening, a person may not be understood. That’s for sure when people speak patois, a vernacular version of English that’s based on a culture’s intonation.

Listen carefully, and over time, you will begin to understand your boyfriend’s family better. It is not racist to ask for help so that you can be sure to take in their every word. But you need to be aware of their sensitivities.

Talk to your boyfriend again and ask him to help you so that you can be fully engaged with his family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need a change. I’ve lived in the same city my entire life and have the same friends I’ve always had.

I even attended college in my hometown, thinking it would give me an advantage because I didn’t need to readjust to a new setting. Although it allowed me to focus on my academics, I feel like I am limiting my growth by not spreading my wings somewhere else.

I often keep myself back with arbitrary limits, like saying I need to be there for my family. However, these limits I set for myself keep me back.

I was telling my friends about this, and they all encouraged me to try somewhere new. Even with this type of support, I am hesitant, signaling that I have a deeper issue with trusting myself.

How would you recommend I begin to repair this internal trust for myself?

— Moving On

DEAR MOVING ON: First, I want to tell you it is not a bad thing to stay in your hometown and to be attentive to family. That is probably considered a blessing by the family members you regularly see.

Before trying to leave your town, look around with fresh eyes. As a local, what is there that you can do in your own backyard that will be a stretch for you? Run for political office? Join a local community organization that benefits the citizens? Leverage your relationships to build a business or support an existing entity that needs help?

I’ve been noticing a trend where many people are moving “back home” after having lived elsewhere because they recognize the value of the place where they grew up. Consider that value and your role in it today and in the future.

Do not allow yourself to feel less-than because you love your hometown. Sure, it’s fine to move if you want to do that, but there is tremendous virtue in staying home and making magic right there.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.