Harriette Cole: My mom has enlisted the church in her campaign against this woman

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom always shares our family gossip with the church, and I just don’t understand why.

She seems to believe that another member of the congregation is flirting with my dad. This woman will often ask my dad for help with errands or call him at unappreciated hours for advice about her children, but she never makes an effort to speak to my mother.

While I agree it is a bit distasteful, what I find worse is my mom’s determination to get the church leaders involved.

I mean, hey, I’m not married, so I’m not privy to how that works, but I wish she’d just talk to my dad about it. Tell him that the friendship (or whatever) he’s formed with this woman seems strange and makes her uncomfortable. In my head, that seems like a sensible approach, but I’m not sure how or whether I can pitch it to my mom without her wondering why I’m butting in to their business.

It’s embarrassing feeling like the whole church thinks my dad is a cheater or that my mom can’t handle things on her own. What can I do?

— Church Gossip

DEAR CHURCH GOSSIP: Given that your mother’s reaction to this behavior has included telling other members of your church, it is no longer just her business. Unfortunately, you are now caught in the middle of this.

If you are up for it, you may need to speak to both of your parents. Starting with your mother, tell her you know she is concerned about this woman’s behavior because church members are gossiping about it. Suggest that she speak directly to your dad rather than putting family business out for the public to consume. If she balks, remind her that you know not because she told you, but because you learned it through the church grapevine.

Next, talk to your dad. Tell him what you have observed and how it makes you feel. Express how distraught your mother is and how embarrassing it is for your family to be the fodder of church gossip. Ask him to deal with it and bring peace to your family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is in response to “He Won’t Retire,” whose husband won’t hang it up so they can take the trips they dreamed about.

My husband kept working until his company was sold, and he was unwillingly retired. I was thrilled and started planning trips with him. After the first one, he declared he didn’t really like traveling. He spent the next 10 years at his desk in our den, managing our stocks just like work.

I realized it was my dream to travel, and he was happy working until he passed away years ago. I found there are many women like me, and now I enjoy traveling with groups.

— My Travel Bug

DEAR MY TRAVEL BUG: One thing retired couples often find is that it is finally OK not to have to share interests. You can stay married and do things on your own. Allowing both partners to be content is a gift you can give each other.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.