{"id":8910,"date":"2026-09-11T09:37:50","date_gmt":"2026-09-11T09:37:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8910"},"modified":"2026-09-11T09:37:50","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T09:37:50","slug":"asking-eric-why-wont-she-give-me-the-heirlooms-shes-not-even-part-of-our-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8910","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Why won’t she give me the heirlooms? She’s not even part of our family."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> Ten years ago, my dad passed away. Within a few months, my stepmom \u2014 his wife of 25 years \u2014 started dating again. She is now involved with a partner who is kind and fair.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: Hey, Mr. Work Van, this is why there\u2019s no second date<\/a><\/p>\n

My issue is with her assumed role as conservator of my family\u2019s things. Nothing of huge value, but of great importance to me. My father was a writer, and his parents were classical composers. Things like my grandfather\u2019s grand piano and library were given to my dad and are still in his house.<\/p>\n

My father was a deeply sentimental person, as am I, so I find it difficult to believe he left my sister and I nothing to remember him by. What seems more likely is she has chosen not to execute his will.<\/p>\n

Or perhaps he trusted her, we\u2019ll never know. This woman travels constantly and has a taste for the finer things.<\/p>\n

Recently, I have contacted her regarding my grandmother\u2019s estate, which was left to my dad. By default, this woman now has it in her possession.<\/p>\n

When I\u2019ve asked for even small things with no significance to her \u2014 paintings, my great-grandmother\u2019s ring, etc. \u2014 she has shut it down expertly.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a calculating person; I just want my things. We keep a very superficial relationship. My sister wretches when she comes up, so it\u2019s all on me. I want to do right by my family, and this just isn\u2019t it.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Lost Heirlooms<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Heirlooms<\/strong>: If your father did have a will for which your stepmother was the executor, she does not have the option of simply choosing not to execute it. While executors have time to complete estate administration, 10 years stretches beyond reasonable expectations.<\/p>\n

So, it behooves you to try to determine if there was a will. You can talk to an estate attorney about your options there and with regard to making a formal request for some of the other heirlooms.<\/p>\n

It would be a shame for this to escalate to a legal back-and-forth, but if she hasn\u2019t executed the will, or if she\u2019s being unresponsive to requests for items to which she has no connection, that may be your only recourse.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have an incurable disease that governs my life. I\u2019ve had this disease for years, but the past four years I\u2019ve deteriorated quite significantly and I never know until the last minute if I can keep plans or go out with others.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I can\u2019t eat from restaurants, I must carry my own food, and my friends have completely stopped asking me to join them in any capacity \u2013 even a group outing where me having to cancel wouldn\u2019t hinder the event.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I want to know how my friend died. My letter to his widow was returned.<\/a><\/p>\n

I feel very left out. I\u2019ve expressed this and for a bit I was \u201cre-included\u201d but I\u2019ve gotten very ill this last year and I\u2019m even more housebound.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be OK with people gathering at my place just so I can have a social life. They say it\u2019s a burden to drive out to me, 30 minutes away, yet I see they post on social media places that are out by me or 30 minutes from them in the other direction.<\/p>\n

They refer to me as a great friend. Some say BFF. But I\u2019m treated like I don\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n

What do you suggest? I\u2019m only 62 and may have many years to go \u2014 not the healthiest, but I\u2019m still here.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Feeling Left Out<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Left Out:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry your health and your social situation are causing so much difficulty in your life.<\/p>\n

It can be so easy for folks to forget that we all have needs and wants that our friends accommodate. Remembering that we\u2019re all here to support each other and to see each other in our fullness \u2013 what we need and what we have in abundance; what we can still learn and what we know by heart \u2013 is one of the gifts of friendship.<\/p>\n

It may be helpful to think about your friends individually, rather than as a group. Are there some who were better at \u201cre-inclusion\u201d than others? You might try to reach out to them with a concrete suggestion of something you\u2019d like to do.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also OK to challenge your friends when they say things like driving to see you is a burden. That\u2019s not language that expresses care. Say something like, \u201cI feel hurt and dismissed when you say things like that. I value you as a friend and from what you\u2019ve said, I believe you value me. But it\u2019s hard for me to feel that when you won\u2019t help me stay included.\u201d<\/p>\n

If they can\u2019t or won\u2019t meet you where you are, conceptually and physically, they may not be the friends you need at this point in your life.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more \u2018Immaculate condition\u2019: Rare mastodon fossil found in San Mateo County creek<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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