{"id":881,"date":"2026-05-31T10:37:37","date_gmt":"2026-05-31T10:37:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=881"},"modified":"2026-05-31T10:37:37","modified_gmt":"2026-05-31T10:37:37","slug":"asking-eric-my-wifes-children-might-wreck-our-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=881","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My wife’s children might wreck our marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: My wife and I have been married a little over three years and have known each other for more than six years.<\/p>\n

Read more Horoscopes May 31, 2026: Colin Farrell, give back to those who have helped you<\/a><\/p>\n

This is a blended family, and my wife has a 22-year-old recent college grad and a 27-year-old alcoholic son from her first marriage. This is my first marriage.<\/p>\n

Presently we are at an impasse in our marriage. My wife cannot cut the apron strings and has put her grown sons ahead of our marriage.<\/p>\n

The older son is enabled by his parents and has not worked in three years while his father provides him a free place to live while he is sadly drinking his life away.<\/p>\n

The younger son has been staying with us for four years while at college. Now a graduate with a marketing degree, he is going to work construction and landscaping jobs.<\/p>\n

My wife and I agreed he should pay rent until he finds a place of his own. Well, that has all changed and I am the bad guy.<\/p>\n

How should I deal with this unfortunate situation? I am hanging on by a thread and cannot even talk to my wife about this subject without her ranting and raving. My wife\u2019s entire family has said that her two sons are going to ruin this marriage.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Marriage on the Rocks<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Marriage<\/strong>: The first step is to move these conversations from the home and into a neutral space with someone who can help you both navigate them without running into familiar grooves or trigger points. That could be done with a couples therapist or a faith leader.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s very likely that while you both think you\u2019re communicating clearly, what one is hearing may not be what the other is saying. Therapy can help prevent that from happening.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also crucial to remember that your wife\u2019s relationships with her sons far predate your relationship. This doesn\u2019t mean they have more importance, per se, but the roots are deeper and, as with any parental relationship, complex. Blending a family doesn\u2019t stop at the wedding. It\u2019s an ongoing process.<\/p>\n

Try to think of the sons separately; it may be that you\u2019re conflating their problems and so every argument becomes, inadvertently, about her parenting writ large. The issues with the older son, for instance, may not be yours to address right now, especially since he\u2019s not living in your home.<\/p>\n

Read more NCS championship roundup: Northgate wins baseball, softball titles<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Think about what\u2019s really important to you. Is the rent really the issue here or is it that you don\u2019t feel heard in your home? Both are valid, but they have different solutions.<\/p>\n

If you haven\u2019t already, ask your wife why she has changed her mind about the rent. And share with her why you think it\u2019s important that her son does so right now. You may uncover that you have different philosophies, but a shared goal.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: My close cousin Mary will be turning 95 this year and her daughter told me a while back she was planning a birthday party for her.<\/p>\n

Recently I received a save-the-date card stating it\u2019s a birthday party for Mary (95), John (76) and Susan (70). Susan is Mary\u2019s daughter, and John is Susan\u2019s husband.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize all three were being honored at the party. Am I obliged to give a gift to each person? Since they live out of state, I have only seen Susan a handful of times over the years, and I\u2019ve never met her husband.<\/p>\n

Family members have asked me what I plan to do regarding gifts. I haven\u2019t a clue. Is it all right to just give a gift to my cousin and not her daughter and son-in-law? Please advise. Also, what do you buy a 95-year-old?<\/p>\n

\u2013 RSVP<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear RSVP<\/strong>: At a joint party such as this, sometimes your presence is present enough. The objective, it would seem, is to gather family that isn\u2019t together very much and commemorate these notable milestones. So, showing up may be all they ask of their guests.<\/p>\n

That said, a thoughtful card with a personal note goes a long way, especially as we get older. Because you\u2019re closer to Mary than to Susan and John, your note to her might be more extensive. But a card is a great way for people to keep track of who came to celebrate them and what well-wishes their friends and family sent them off into their new year with. If you have older photos of any of the celebrants, you can also print them out and slip them in the card.<\/p>\n

Lastly, if you really want to give Mary a gift, consider reaching out to her daughter and asking what Mary might need or want. Are there flowers or candies or mementos that she particularly likes? A small gesture can go a long way.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Every time we argue, this is my girlfriend\u2019s go-to insult<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: When I try to talk to her about them, she rants and raves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":94,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My wife’s children might wreck our marriage - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=881\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My wife’s children might wreck our marriage - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Eric Thomas: When I try to talk to her about them, she rants and raves.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=881\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-31T10:37:37+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: My wife’s children might wreck our marriage\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-05-31T10:37:37+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881\"},\"wordCount\":894,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/348037f2d10eefdb0c5700288103d0d5.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=881\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: My wife’s children might wreck our marriage - 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