{"id":8753,"date":"2026-09-09T09:37:36","date_gmt":"2026-09-09T09:37:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8753"},"modified":"2026-09-09T09:37:36","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T09:37:36","slug":"asking-eric-suddenly-my-co-workers-are-talking-about-my-former-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8753","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Suddenly my co-workers are talking about my former marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I got married at 23, divorced at 30. I\u2019m now in my 40s. I don\u2019t have much association with my ex-husband, but I do hear about him from time to time because we\u2019re in the same industry.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn\u2019t go well<\/a><\/p>\n

Recently, my ex started working at my company as a consultant. He\u2019s mostly remote but has about a week of in-office time once a month.<\/p>\n

Everything was going well at first, but I found that he was more vocal about our past than I\u2019m comfortable with. Most people didn\u2019t even know we knew each other, let alone were married, but suddenly I started hearing about it. He even referred to me as \u201cthe old ball and chain\u201d in a professional setting.<\/p>\n

This has been going on for six months now and I\u2019m at a loss. It feels petty to say something, but I\u2019d really like it to stop. What can I do?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unchained<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Unchained<\/strong>: With respect, I have an inkling why the relationship didn\u2019t work out.<\/p>\n

Your ex is crossing boundaries in a way that\u2019s strange and unnecessary. There\u2019s rarely a reason for one\u2019s coworkers to know about one\u2019s exes, even if an ex is in the office down the hall. It muddies the professional waters needlessly.<\/p>\n

Since he\u2019s not seeing the error of his ways, you\u2019ll have to have a conversation with him about how you both can work together. Use \u201cI\u201d statements but be clear about what you want and what you don\u2019t want. You might say something like, \u201cI feel uncomfortable when people at work start commenting or speculating about our shared past. I want to keep these relationships professional and this kind of talk makes that difficult. I\u2019d appreciate it if you would refrain from giving people details about our marriage. And it\u2019s inappropriate for you to refer to me by any name but my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It\u2019s not petty to affirm your boundary here. He may say it\u2019s no big deal that people know you were married, but this goes beyond knowing you were married. It seems he\u2019s using the marriage as ongoing conversation fodder. If the most interesting thing about him is his former marriage, he might want to get a hobby or just do his work and go home.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I loaned some things to a friend because she was in a pinch: a couple of coolers and self-inflating sleeping pads as well as a portable camping stove.<\/p>\n

I made it clear at the time that I expected any of the items to be returned if I needed to use it and\/or she no longer had a use for it.<\/p>\n

In the past 11 months I have asked multiple times for her to return the items, because I do have a use for them and she no longer needs them.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Is a celebrity who touches a stranger this way just being playful?<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

She made multiple excuses and this week she finally told me that all of my belongings had been disposed of.<\/p>\n

For context, I am in my early 50s, and I\u2019ve always enjoyed camping and over the decades have acquired some good-quality gear. My \u201cfriend\u201d is considerably younger and was in a pickle because she was homeless without any electricity or water and had no place to store or prepare food or sleep comfortably.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, she has acquired a better living situation with heat and water and electricity and a place to cook and store her food.<\/p>\n

She said that she would look on Facebook Marketplace and Walmart to \u201creplace\u201d what I had lent her that had been thrown away. She referenced a couple of items of a lesser quality that were available at Walmart and the price. My camping gear is very expensive, and they don\u2019t sell it at Walmart.<\/p>\n

I am hurt and I am angry and I am distancing myself from her and I wonder if I am really overreacting or not.<\/p>\n

\u2013 That Was My Stuff<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Stuff:<\/strong> This doesn\u2019t seem like an overreaction. You did a kind thing, and you and your friend made an agreement with clear parameters. If she was having trouble storing your things, she could have (and should have) reached out to you about coming to get them.<\/p>\n

Now, from your description, it sounds like there are a lot of challenges in her life, and the logistics of caring for your belongings may have overwhelmed her. You can feel frustration while still having empathy for her.<\/p>\n

Her solutions for fixing what happened are well-intentioned, but she likely doesn\u2019t have the means to fully make restitution. It may be best for all involved for you to forgive her and to accept that you\u2019ll need to set some new boundaries in the future, should you choose to help again.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: She has been my dream woman since I was a kid and she was a mom<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: That’s my stuff she threw away. 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