{"id":8752,"date":"2026-09-09T09:07:40","date_gmt":"2026-09-09T09:07:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752"},"modified":"2026-09-09T09:07:40","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T09:07:40","slug":"harriette-cole-i-took-my-mom-on-a-surprise-trip-and-it-didnt-go-well","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I wanted to do something special for my mom, so I decided to surprise her with a vacation for her birthday. She loves to travel, so I thought it\u2019d be a nice opportunity for the two of us to get away and bond.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Is a celebrity who touches a stranger this way just being playful?<\/a><\/p>\n

My mom and I are not as close as I would like us to be. When I was younger, my mom took the \u201cI am your parent, not your friend\u201d stance, and I think as I got older, time and distance never got us to the friends stage.<\/p>\n

On the vacation, I tried to have a good time, but my mom was a bit of a grouch. She complained about everything. Nothing was good enough, nice enough, hot enough or clean enough.<\/p>\n

I tried ignoring it, but I put a lot of time, money and energy into planning something special for her. By the end of the trip, I shared that I was not impressed with her sour attitude.<\/p>\n

Now we\u2019re back to our normal lives, walking on eggshells around each other and feeling even more distant. Where do we go from here?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Not Your Friend<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR NOT YOUR FRIEND<\/strong>: Invite your mother to get together with you and ask her what went wrong. Tell her you planned that trip to make her happy, but clearly that didn\u2019t work. Offer that it made you sad and frustrated that she didn\u2019t seem to enjoy herself when your intention was to make her happy.<\/p>\n

See if she will talk about it. Talking may lead to healing.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> As a marital and family attorney, I was baffled a bit by the optimistic assumptions underlying your suggestion to \u201cCan\u2019t Stretch It,\u201d the struggling divorced mom, that she approach her ex about increasing child support.<\/p>\n

Some key questions that must be asked first are whether they divorced amicably, whether they are even on speaking terms, what financial resources the ex actually has, whether he is a generous or even a reasonable person, whether he is a safe person to help care for the kids, whether he lives locally and so much more.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: She has been my dream woman since I was a kid and she was a mom<\/a><\/p>\n

He may well resent the child support he is paying now, either because he is spiteful or because he is also financially strapped.<\/p>\n

The fact that she has full custody indicates he (or likely the court) determined he is a poor caregiver. There are so many variables.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Sadly, in my more than 30 years of practicing family law, I have never known an ex-husband to willingly increase child support simply upon request of his ex-wife. He might be willing to negotiate something to his advantage, but that is rarely in the ex-wife\u2019s best interest.<\/p>\n

However, if the ex-husband has the financial resources, the ex-wife may have a case for increasing child support through the legal system. Only a good family law attorney can assess her situation. In some states, her ex-husband will be required to pay her attorney\u2019s fees in such a case.<\/p>\n

In any event, I hope your optimism is well-placed in this instance.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Gut Check<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR GUT CHECK<\/strong>: Thanks for your legal and sober perspective. Much appreciated. Readers, take heed.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more List: National Merit Scholarship semifinalists from California, class of 2027<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: So you think her ex-husband will just hand over more money?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: So you think her ex-husband will just hand over more money?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752\"},\"wordCount\":632,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":900},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8752#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest","og_description":"Plus: So you think her ex-husband will just hand over more money?","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well","datePublished":"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752"},"wordCount":632,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752","name":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","datePublished":"2026-09-09T09:07:40+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","width":1500,"height":900},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8752#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Harriette Cole: I took my mom on a surprise trip, and it didn’t go well"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8752","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8752"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8752\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5384"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8752"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8752"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8752"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}