{"id":8618,"date":"2026-09-07T09:06:06","date_gmt":"2026-09-07T09:06:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8618"},"modified":"2026-09-07T09:06:06","modified_gmt":"2026-09-07T09:06:06","slug":"harriette-cole-im-a-cultured-woman-dating-a-gym-bro-are-we-doomed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8618","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I’m a cultured woman dating a gym bro. Are we doomed?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I\u2019m dating someone new, but we\u2019re having a hard time finding things we want to do together.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: There\u2019s a reason for the rule about white shoes, but you might not want to hear it<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t mean to sound posh, but I do enjoy getting dressed up and going to shows, nice dinners, live performances and more. The guy I\u2019m dating is quite different from me. Much of his life revolves around health, fitness and training.<\/p>\n

He often invites me for bike rides, beach days and gym sessions. I oblige sometimes, mostly because I enjoy the time we spend together afterward. He is so well-read. We have that in common \u2014 our taste in literature and history.<\/p>\n

So while we enjoy each other\u2019s company, we do not enjoy each other\u2019s hobbies. Is this sustainable?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Core Differences<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR CORE DIFFERENCES<\/strong>: Sit down and talk to each other about your interests. See if you can strike a balance where each of you is willing to explore the other\u2019s preferences. Give yourselves time not to just show up, but to fully participate in the various things.<\/p>\n

Often, couples grow to like their partner\u2019s hobbies so they can spend time together. You don\u2019t have to want to do everything he does, but it is healthy to wholeheartedly put your time and effort into finding some points of intersection.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, though, you want a partner who has shared interests with you so that during your time off from work or other responsibilities, you are eager to be together doing something you enjoy. You both should pay attention to see if you are well enough suited for each other given your clear differences.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I have a friend who dumps all her trauma and problems on me every time we get together, and it is too much for me at this point.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My wife died on vacation, and this man posted it on Facebook within hours<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t mind an occasional vent here and there, but every time I spend time with her, she is venting about the same problems. She isn\u2019t happy in her marriage and constantly speaks about how she can\u2019t stand her husband. She tells me about their arguments, how unhappy she is and how she feels stuck in the marriage, but nothing ever seems to change.<\/p>\n

I have tried to listen and be supportive because I know she is going through a difficult time, but I am starting to feel emotionally drained after every conversation with her. It has gotten to the point where I find myself dreading spending time with her because I already know that our entire conversation will revolve around her problems.<\/p>\n

I want to be a good friend and be there for her, but I also want to be able to enjoy our friendship and talk about other things. How do I communicate this boundary to her without being insensitive to her feelings?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2014 Friend on Repeat<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR FRIEND ON REPEAT:<\/strong> Be honest with your friend. Tell her you are concerned that she is stuck in her marriage and her life and that she could benefit from professional help. Add you are weary of hearing the same stories time after time. It is draining to you, and you do not have the capacity to handle it.<\/p>\n

Remind her you love her and would like to spend time with her, but you need to be able to talk about other things. Ask her whether she is willing to do that. If not, step back for a while. You need to preserve your mental health, too.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Campbell Mayor Dan Furtado to give State of the City address on Sept. 16<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We have one thing in common, our taste in literature and history.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8618","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I’m a cultured woman dating a gym bro. Are we doomed? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8618\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I’m a cultured woman dating a gym bro. 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