{"id":8455,"date":"2026-09-05T09:06:21","date_gmt":"2026-09-05T09:06:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8455"},"modified":"2026-09-05T09:06:21","modified_gmt":"2026-09-05T09:06:21","slug":"harriette-cole-its-not-that-i-dont-trust-my-fiancee-but-this-feels-manipulative","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8455","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: It’s not that I don’t trust my fiancee, but this feels manipulative"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: My fiancee\u2019s financial situation is a work in progress.<\/p>\n

She hasn\u2019t made great decisions with her money in the past, and I\u2019ve been helping her rebuild her credit and be more fiscally responsible.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I tried to educate these dog walkers and they snubbed me<\/a><\/p>\n

She recently asked to be an authorized user on my credit card to speed up the process, and I\u2019ve been dodging her question ever since.<\/p>\n

She says if we are really headed toward marriage, it shouldn\u2019t be an issue for all our financial responsibilities to be shared. This feels manipulative to me. It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t trust her, but her track record with spending isn\u2019t great. And honestly, it feels like I am trying harder to correct the issue than she is.<\/p>\n

She wants us to share the load, and I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a solution. I\u2019m not sure what more to do here.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Authorized User<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR AUTHORIZED USER<\/strong>: Do not allow your fiancee to manipulate you. Instead, consider it time to get a financial adviser.<\/p>\n

Find a professional who can work with you to understand your financial picture and figure out a healthy way forward. You two should be transparent about the state of your finances as well as your goals as a couple. Yes, you should help each other, but not as a crutch.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Do your best to become strong independently. Learn your strengths and weaknesses, and figure out a way forward that can set you two up for success. By the way, this should include all aspects of your life together: finances, career, family planning, spirituality, values, goals and dreams.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: This persistent stranger seems to think I\u2019m somebody else<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: My boyfriend and I are struggling to make time for each other.<\/p>\n

He started a new career as a professional bodyguard a few months back, and his schedule is now the opposite of mine. He works with a lot of entertainers and athletes, which leads to him working mostly at night and nearly all weekend. I, on the other hand, work a corporate 9-to-5 job.<\/p>\n

In the mornings when I\u2019m gearing up to head out, he\u2019s fast asleep from late-night shifts, and by the time I get home from work, he\u2019s rushing out the door for yet another gig.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I don\u2019t want to give him any pressure as he is still new to this high-stakes work environment, but I wonder when \u2014 or how \u2014 we\u2019ll find time for us again. Do you have any advice?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Quality Time<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR QUALITY TIME<\/strong>: Before giving up, figure out whether there are a few days in the week when you can see each other. What are his days off? Can you enjoy a meal together or any activity? Look hard to find moments of connection.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, though, you two will have to either carve out transition times to see each other \u2014 as you are coming home and before he goes out, vacation days, etc. \u2014 or you may have to agree that if you stay in your careers, you may not be the right partners for each other anymore. Whatever you decide, do so consciously and together.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more De La Salle impresses in win over Cardinal Newman, except in one area<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

She says the best way to fix her bad credit is for her to share my account.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: It’s not that I don’t trust my fiancee, but this feels manipulative - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8455\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: It’s not that I don’t trust my fiancee, but this feels manipulative - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"She says the best way to fix her bad credit is for her to share my account.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8455\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-05T09:06:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: It’s not that I don’t trust my fiancee, but this feels manipulative\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-05T09:06:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455\"},\"wordCount\":616,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8455\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: It’s not that I don’t trust my fiancee, but this feels manipulative - 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