{"id":8301,"date":"2026-09-03T09:37:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-03T09:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8301"},"modified":"2026-09-03T09:37:00","modified_gmt":"2026-09-03T09:37:00","slug":"asking-eric-my-dearest-friend-left-a-note-in-my-bathroom-and-disappeared-from-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8301","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My dearest friend left a note in my bathroom and disappeared from my life"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: A few months ago, my nearest and dearest friend of 50 years ended our friendship by leaving a letter in my bathroom after we had a lovely visit.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I don\u2019t think it\u2019s bad to feel you\u2019re under surveillance<\/a><\/p>\n

We have been through so much together. In her letter she stated that although she was always there for me, I had never been there for her.<\/p>\n

I was on life support last year and she was at the hospital every day. Approximately one month after my discharge, she was admitted to hospital. I had a lot of health issues as a direct result of the life support and as much as I wanted to be able to visit her, I was unable to. I couldn\u2019t walk properly and I don\u2019t drive. She mentioned this in the letter.<\/p>\n

I am deeply hurt by this.<\/p>\n

I have tried to reach out to her by phone and social media, but I have been blocked. She spent several hours at my house the day she left the letter. Everything was fine. A nice lunch and lots of laughs.<\/p>\n

In the closing of her letter, she wrote that our friendship was toxic and that she is ending it. I feel lost and lonely. I also feel that she should have talked to me and not been a coward leaving a hidden letter. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated<\/p>\n

\u2013 Dazed and Hurt<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Dazed and Hurt:<\/strong> I\u2019m so sorry you experienced this. While I often suggest letters as a form of communication for fractured relationships, the way your friend went about it doesn\u2019t make sense and clearly leaves you with more questions than answers.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

She had every opportunity to have a conversation with you about the issues she had with your friendship. It was unfair and confusing for her to engage as if nothing was wrong, knowing she planned to leave the letter. It denied you both the chance to understand where the other was coming from.<\/p>\n

Try to see this as an act by someone who is hurting. Even though that hurt may not all be coming from you and none of it was intentional, it\u2019s there.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, when we are hurt, we act out of self-protection or out of anger. While this action casts a pall over the friendship\u2019s end, it doesn\u2019t have to define the whole friendship. Hold on to the good parts of your time together, while you let her go with love.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I am a giver. It has always been ingrained in my personality. I give and help family, friends, neighbors, perfect strangers.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I am always volunteering to help in any way I can. This causes people to take advantage of me.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I have a brain disorder, and sudoku is not going to fix it<\/a><\/p>\n

I am always giving and doing more for them than they do for me. When I need something, so-called friends are seldom there. I\u2019m not keeping score. But somehow my compulsion to give and help ends up getting me hurt.<\/p>\n

Hurt feelings from friends and family that are not there for me. Financial debts never repaid. Financial gifts taken for granted once the moment passes. Neighbors say they need something, but when I offer to lend it to them, I never see the item again.<\/p>\n

How can I stop doing this? I\u2019m tired of getting my feelings hurt and losing my money and possessions. I\u2019ll just be talking to someone and if an opportunity to give or help comes up, I\u2019m volunteering myself without hesitation. Afterward, I\u2019m like why do I do that?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t say therapy. I can\u2019t afford that and this isn\u2019t a big problem, just a little problem that brings me hurt feelings.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Giving Too Much<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Giving:<\/strong> Think about what you\u2019re getting from giving, or what you want to get. Ask yourself if what you really want isn\u2019t something that easily comes from being overly generous.<\/p>\n

Perhaps you\u2019re really looking for connection or community; perhaps you\u2019re trying to fix things for others. I don\u2019t want to pathologize any of this, but from your letter it sounds like your giving nature is sometimes setting you up for failure.<\/p>\n

Now, of course, you should be receiving thanks or repayment. Of course, people shouldn\u2019t be taking advantage of you. It\u2019s not your fault that the gifts are going unnoticed or being taken for granted.<\/p>\n

See what happens when you put yourself on a generosity budget. Say someone needs help and you feel the desire to lend a hand. Stop and ask yourself if there\u2019s another way that you can be of assistance without giving so much of yourself. Perhaps it\u2019s connecting them with another person who can provide what they need instead of providing it yourself.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not saying stop being generous. But try to be mindful about the conditions under which you\u2019re lending a hand and see if you notice a pattern.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouereric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Is the wedding couple\u2019s gift guideline realistic?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We had just had a lovely visit when she left this bombshell for me to find.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: My dearest friend left a note in my bathroom and disappeared from my life - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8301\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: My dearest friend left a note in my bathroom and disappeared from my life - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We had just had a lovely visit when she left this bombshell for me to find.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8301\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-03T09:37:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: My dearest friend left a note in my bathroom and disappeared from my life\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-03T09:37:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301\"},\"wordCount\":917,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8301\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: My dearest friend left a note in my bathroom and disappeared from my life - 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