{"id":8227,"date":"2026-09-02T09:42:12","date_gmt":"2026-09-02T09:42:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227"},"modified":"2026-09-02T09:42:12","modified_gmt":"2026-09-02T09:42:12","slug":"asking-eric-when-i-got-to-the-hospital-my-dying-sisters-son-barred-me-from-seeing-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My sister suffered a catastrophic medical event and was put on life support.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: My neighbor came to our house and yelled at my child<\/a><\/p>\n

When we arrived at the hospital, we were shocked to find that my 33-year-old nephew had the hospital put a \u201cblock\u201d on my sister\u2019s chart that forbade us from seeing her unless he was there.<\/p>\n

When he was 20 years old, he sent me an email telling me how he hated me and our entire family because we wouldn\u2019t help them financially.<\/p>\n

My sister had filed for bankruptcy two times and raised him with the help of the state welfare system. She told him that when my children were in college that she helped put them through college and I haven\u2019t lifted a finger to help them.<\/p>\n

These were lies. There are so many more lies that she told him. I thought that I had proven to him that none of what she told him was the truth.<\/p>\n

We finally convinced him to take the restriction off so we could see my sister, and we sat vigil with her. He was there maybe 10 percent of the time. After my sister was taken off of life support, we made the decision to return home the very next day.<\/p>\n

Eight days after my sister\u2019s death, I found out he had not made any arrangements for her cremation and he had given instructions to the staff at the hospital that they were not allowed to speak to me regarding the disposition of my sister\u2019s body, and I had to speak to him directly.<\/p>\n

What, if anything, am I supposed to do with all this? My family wants me to kick him to the curb for how he treated me during this tragic time. I am his only relative. Do I have any responsibility to him?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2013 Anxious Aunt<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Aunt:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry for the loss of your sister and for all the trauma surrounding her death.<\/p>\n

Your nephew is hurting. Some of that is new grief and some of that hurt is poisoned fruit from a tree rooted in lies he was told. Although you\u2019ve tried to correct the lies and to be there with him during this time of grief, he\u2019s either not ready or not willing to let you in and you can\u2019t make him.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not clear that you have a responsibility to him or that he\u2019s asking anything of you. It may help you to write a letter to him. Settling old scores or correcting the record won\u2019t do you much good. Rather, in your letter you can say that you know he is hurting, that you\u2019re hurting, too, and if he ever wishes to have a relationship, you\u2019re open to a conversation. You can leave it at that.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I set a trap and proved my co-worker is faking an allergy<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: My dad is in his mid-80s but based on family history and current health he could easily be around for another 10 years or so. Mom is still in good shape, too. They live within walking distance to us.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s always been on the controlling side, still is with my mom, and even some instances with me when I was well into my 40s. There were instances of physical abuse. My siblings, our friends, and I feared him when he got angry.<\/p>\n

I have been recounting some of these childhood instances with my spouse and when it spills out, I get so angry at my dad, never directly to my dad. It just bubbles up and I get over it. He was always a good grandfather to our kids and they love him.<\/p>\n

Overall, we have a very cordial\/friendly\/loving relationship with him and my mom, but I worry that will change if my mom predeceases him and we find the roles reversed and I have power over him. Not sure what to do.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Left with Dad<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Left with Dad:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry you experienced this abuse; it\u2019s not right and it shouldn\u2019t have happened. The anger is a message, and you should listen to it.<\/p>\n

While neither you nor your father can undo what\u2019s been done, you have the opportunity to process it, first with yourself and then with him. This may bring up strong, new emotions and that may be hard. But the alternative is that these feelings continue to sit inside you and cause you problems or cause you to act out of character.<\/p>\n

A therapist can help you process what happened and create a safe space to bring these feelings up to your father. Additionally, you might consider a support group for adults who have experienced childhood abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) is one resource that can point you toward local support providers.<\/p>\n

You didn\u2019t have the relationship you wanted to have, nor the want you should have. But it\u2019s not too late to address it and to begin to heal.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I thought my roommate was a naive bumpkin until she pulled this worrisome stunt<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He believed the lies about my side of the family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"He believed the lies about my side of the family.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227\"},\"wordCount\":923,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":922},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8227#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest","og_description":"He believed the lies about my side of the family.","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her","datePublished":"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227"},"wordCount":923,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227","name":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","datePublished":"2026-09-02T09:42:12+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","width":1500,"height":922},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8227#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Asking Eric: When I got to the hospital, my dying sister’s son barred me from seeing her"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8227"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8227\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}