{"id":8152,"date":"2026-09-01T09:36:55","date_gmt":"2026-09-01T09:36:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8152"},"modified":"2026-09-01T09:36:55","modified_gmt":"2026-09-01T09:36:55","slug":"asking-eric-their-wedding-decision-was-inexplicable-and-painful-for-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8152","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Their wedding decision was inexplicable — and painful for us"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: My wife and I are having a very hard time processing our feelings about two uncles and two aunts left out of our 41-year-old child\u2019s recent wedding celebration.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: My co-worker wants us all to go clubbing. What could go wrong?<\/a><\/p>\n

These folks are my sister, two brothers and a beloved SIL, all of whom have been a loving part of our child\u2019s life since birth. They live in our city where the reception was held.<\/p>\n

Wedding festivities took place over four days and began in a city hundreds of miles away, to which my wife and I traveled. Many family members of the fianc\u00e9 attended, including a number from halfway around the world. We were thoroughly welcomed and are so happy to have gotten acquainted with such fine folks.<\/p>\n

Many of them then traveled to our city for the civil ceremony and reception. Also at the reception were a number of the fianc\u00e9\u2019s friends who came from over a thousand miles away.<\/p>\n

Seeing all the fianc\u00e9\u2019s extended family in our city for the civil ceremony and reception and friends at the reception put a very poignant sting in our hearts for the four local family members who weren\u2019t included.<\/p>\n

We just don\u2019t understand the exclusion of these four local, loving family members whom our 41-year-old knows well and loves, while we witnessed the importance of \u201chonoring and including family members\u201d over several days and two states of ceremonies and celebrations. It was sad for us to shed tears after getting home from the reception.<\/p>\n

How do we navigate these feelings, Eric? We don\u2019t want an \u201cexplanation\u201d for the exclusion from the couple.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Hurting Parents<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Parents<\/strong>: While an explanation may not assuage the hurt and confusion you\u2019re feeling, a conversation really is going to be the best path forward.<\/p>\n

Talking with your child about the experience that you had and the way you felt will open the door for your child to share his or her perspective and perhaps give context that you don\u2019t have right now.<\/p>\n

And yet, it still may not solve the problem. That\u2019s the job of acceptance. Acceptance isn\u2019t condoning; it isn\u2019t explaining away. It isn\u2019t always understanding. But as you and your wife navigate these feelings, it will be healthy for you to acknowledge to yourselves, and perhaps to your child, that you wish things had gone a different way.<\/p>\n

Acceptance will also start to clear the path for you to release this. You didn\u2019t have control over the wedding invitations; your 41-year-old and the new in-law made the decisions that they deemed best at the time. Their intentions may have been benign, or even good somehow. Whatever they were, they were their intentions, over which you didn\u2019t have a say.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Talking about it will help this from curdling into resentment; accepting that your child made a decision with which you didn\u2019t agree will help you leave the hurt in the past.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: My wife crosses the line in taking over other people\u2019s kitchens<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: My wife of 44 years passed away after a 6-year battle with cancer. During that time, she said that with all the billions of people on the planet, I could surely find someone else to love. And that I had her permission.<\/p>\n

After an appropriate time of mourning, I went on a dating site and met a lot of lovely women. One in particular has worked out splendidly for the past 15 years. We are very happy.<\/p>\n

Now, the problem. About six years ago, I met another woman. She lights up my life, but she is married.<\/p>\n

One afternoon I told her that I loved her and would not advance it in any way, not wanting to wreck her marriage.<\/p>\n

I love my significant other, but I can\u2019t stop thinking about this new love, day and night. My partner and I see her and her husband socially, but I never let on.<\/p>\n

Am I nuts to think I could love two women equally?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Lots of Love<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Love<\/strong>: Sure, it\u2019s possible to hold love for both of these women, but it\u2019s not clear from your letter whether the other woman is interested in pursuing anything. It\u2019s also not clear if you plan to pursue something, or if this is a question about emotional capacity.<\/p>\n

Even if you and she do want to pursue something, you owe it to your significant other to first have a conversation about what\u2019s happening and what the shared agreements of your relationship are.<\/p>\n

You aren\u2019t trapped, but you need to communicate clearly with the other people involved and be as sure as possible about what you really want to happen.<\/p>\n

It may be that this other woman doesn\u2019t need to be a romantic partner at all, but rather a close friend. Defining for yourself and with your partner what your wants are and what your boundaries are is going to help you a lot here.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My boyfriend\u2019s moochy mother lives next door<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The fiance had guests from all over the world while my child’s aunts and uncles were snubbed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Their wedding decision was inexplicable — and painful for us - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8152\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Their wedding decision was inexplicable — and painful for us - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The fiance had guests from all over the world while my child's aunts and uncles were snubbed.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8152\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-01T09:36:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Their wedding decision was inexplicable — and painful for us\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-01T09:36:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152\"},\"wordCount\":905,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8152\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Their wedding decision was inexplicable — and painful for us - 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