{"id":8149,"date":"2026-09-01T08:06:55","date_gmt":"2026-09-01T08:06:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149"},"modified":"2026-09-01T08:06:55","modified_gmt":"2026-09-01T08:06:55","slug":"dear-abby-my-boyfriends-moochy-mother-lives-next-door","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: I am at my wits\u2019 end. I support myself and my boyfriend of 14 years. I have no extra money to support anyone else.<\/p>\n

Read more More storms possible at Grand Canyon where a flash flood killed at least 2 people, others missing<\/a><\/p>\n

My boyfriend\u2019s mother, who is our neighbor, treats him like a dog and always has. She constantly asks him for stuff. He gives her things that I have worked for \u2014 cigarettes, soft drinks, food, etc. It all adds up, and I can\u2019t do it anymore.<\/p>\n

Please give me any advice that you have.<\/p>\n

\u2014 TIRED<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR TIRED:<\/strong> You have learned the hard way that your boyfriend and his mom are a package deal, and they are both deadbeats. Get out of there and stop letting them use you.<\/p>\n

Find a place of your own, block his calls, and experience the satisfaction of living on your own. Once you\u2019ve done that, I\u2019m sure you can find yourself a much better man \u2014 or you may decide you don\u2019t need one.<\/p>\n

DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My father passed away three months ago, leaving my mom alone for the first time in her life.<\/p>\n

She lives nearby, so my wife and I have been doing what we can. We have her over several times a week, and we visit and call to check in often.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Mom is having a hard time and sometimes forgets to eat or get dressed if we don\u2019t remind her. There has been a lot of legal stuff to do following Dad\u2019s death, decisions she\u2019s not up for, so we\u2019re doing that, too.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m trying to get her professional help (counseling and help at home), but there are waiting lists, and it\u2019s going to take time. I\u2019m also mourning Dad, and it\u2019s been a lot.<\/p>\n

Read more Pedestrian dies following collision in San Jose<\/a><\/p>\n

What I\u2019d really like is for my brothers to step up. One lives in the next town. The other is only a couple of hours away. Neither one has been to see Mom since the funeral, and it doesn\u2019t sound like they\u2019ve been calling her often.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m the oldest, and they are used to me taking care of things, but this is more than I can handle alone. I have told them that directly. They both say they want to help, but then they don\u2019t. I have tried giving them specific tasks (for example, to call Mom in the morning before 10 on a certain day), and they agree but then don\u2019t follow through. We usually get along.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

They are both successful people with good jobs and families, so I don\u2019t understand why they are slacking here. I think they\u2019re just used to Mom being the caretaker and can\u2019t see that the roles are reversed now even though we\u2019re all in our 40s and no longer little boys.<\/p>\n

How do I get them to start shouldering their share of the responsibility here?<\/p>\n

\u2014 IN CHARGE IN WISCONSIN<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR IN CHARGE<\/strong>: Because your brothers cannot be trusted to step up and give your mother more time, there is another way they can take some of the responsibility off your shoulders. They can offer money in lieu of time.<\/p>\n

Each could chip in so that their mother has a caregiver or companion to help her with the household chores. They should also contribute toward grief or psychological counseling until she is stronger.<\/p>\n

If you suggest all of that, you may find they magically begin calling Mom more often!<\/p>\n

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips wrote this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Steph Curry not worried about contract extension negotiations with Warriors<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m supporting him, and I don’t want to pay for her treats, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7028,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I'm supporting him, and I don't want to pay for her treats, too.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149\"},\"wordCount\":663,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149\",\"name\":\"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp\",\"width\":2400,\"height\":1440},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=8149#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest","og_description":"I'm supporting him, and I don't want to pay for her treats, too.","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door","datePublished":"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149"},"wordCount":663,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149","name":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp","datePublished":"2026-09-01T08:06:55+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/e0a61fb13ad8c491b1d1a120a9ed0d48.webp","width":2400,"height":1440},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=8149#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s moochy mother lives next door"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8149","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8149"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8149\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7028"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8149"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8149"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8149"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}