{"id":7922,"date":"2026-08-28T09:37:05","date_gmt":"2026-08-28T09:37:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7922"},"modified":"2026-08-28T09:37:05","modified_gmt":"2026-08-28T09:37:05","slug":"asking-eric-the-wrong-person-overheard-my-wife-venting-about-my-co-workers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7922","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: The wrong person overheard my wife venting about my co-workers"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: I have a stressful job with co-workers that I think are nice but inept.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: So I\u2019m the bad guy because I want to set boundaries for our neighbor<\/a><\/p>\n

My boss\u2019s boss is his brother and there are a few other family members at the company, so it\u2019s no surprise to me that people with no skills seem to have succeeded.<\/p>\n

After work, I like to blow off steam by recounting the latest idiocy to my wife. She agrees with me and has always backed me up.<\/p>\n

Recently, we were at a social event, and the subject of my work came up. For reasons I still can\u2019t understand, my wife started complaining about the people at my job. What neither she nor I realized is that one of the people we were talking to is related to the family at my job.<\/p>\n

So now I\u2019m in trouble and I can\u2019t shake the feeling that if my wife hadn\u2019t blabbed, we\u2019d be fine. She says she\u2019s not at fault. Who is right?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Office Disgrace<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Office<\/strong>: I don\u2019t know that you\u2019re going to get much mileage out of placing the blame squarely on her shoulders or yours. Having a negative opinion is no crime but if your wife is hearing it every day, it stands to reason that it would come spilling out elsewhere.<\/p>\n

That said, if this family is as everpresent as they seem, it seems prudent to confirm the lineage of anyone with whom she\u2019s going to gossip.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Here\u2019s the bright side: This awkward encounter might push you to start looking for a job you like with coworkers you respect. Easier said than done, I know, but even a step in that direction might relieve some of your frustration and allow you to talk about other things with your wife.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I\u2019ve become small-time successful in my local arts scene. Part of my practice has been to bring people new to the scene in on collaborative projects to help them get a foot in the door and meet other people in the community.<\/p>\n

Because of that, I\u2019m now seeing an uptick of very new artists asking for my feedback on their works. And I\u2019ve said yes to the first few, because I sincerely wanted to see what they had.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Can I tell the tourists we don\u2019t want to see their underwear?<\/a><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, what I\u2019ve seen so far is very rough\/amateur and I do not like it. I mean, I make plenty of bad art, it\u2019s a valuable step in the process. But I just don\u2019t know how to respond when I really struggle to identify any positives, either on a technical or personal level.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

They trusted me with their art, and so I want to respond with care and grace rather than dumping a bucket of cold water on them. But I don\u2019t know them well enough to be frank about what they need to work on, and I don\u2019t have availability to foster a longer-term or one-on-one relationship to help them develop those skills.<\/p>\n

I would appreciate advice or scripts on how to respond when I struggle to identify any positives, but I do still want them to keep making art, while maintaining the boundary that I can\u2019t problem solve or mentor them. And if you have pointers on how to respond to future requests, I would appreciate those, too. I\u2019m not sure if I should start turning those down.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Conflicted in Creative Community<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Conflicted:<\/strong> Consider asking these new artists what their specific areas of concern are, what or whom they are referencing, and what they\u2019re excited about in their work. This will give you something about which to respond that\u2019s not rooted in whether or not you like it.<\/p>\n

The goal here is not to create a curriculum for them or to guide them one-on-one, but to reflect back to them what they say they\u2019re trying to do and to perhaps suggest to them one actionable step that will get them closer to it. Something like, \u201cYou say you\u2019re trying to capture energy in your portraiture; you might take a look at the way Amy Sherald positions her subjects.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy for these kinds of interactions to take on a mentor\/mentee tenor. Try to bring it back down to peer-to-peer by telling them that you don\u2019t feel you\u2019re in the best position to give feedback, but that you\u2019d be happy to hear about their process and answer questions about your process. Respect from a peer can sometimes go a lot further than a \u201cthumbs up\/thumbs down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Decide in advance how much of your time you can reasonably allot to these kinds of conversations, too, and when you hit your cap, tell the artist that you\u2019re excited to be in community with them but that you don\u2019t have the capacity to be as responsive as you\u2019d like. You might, instead, encourage them to form peer response groups or formal mentorships with others.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I want to go back to my ex-wife. How do I discuss this civilly with my partner?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So now I’m in trouble, and my wife says it’s not her fault.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: The wrong person overheard my wife venting about my co-workers - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7922\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: The wrong person overheard my wife venting about my co-workers - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So now I'm in trouble, and my wife says it's not her fault.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7922\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-28T09:37:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: The wrong person overheard my wife venting about my co-workers\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-28T09:37:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922\"},\"wordCount\":937,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7922\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: The wrong person overheard my wife venting about my co-workers - 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