{"id":7921,"date":"2026-08-28T09:07:43","date_gmt":"2026-08-28T09:07:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7921"},"modified":"2026-08-28T09:07:43","modified_gmt":"2026-08-28T09:07:43","slug":"harriette-cole-so-im-the-bad-guy-because-i-want-to-set-boundaries-for-our-neighbor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7921","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: So I&#8217;m the bad guy because I want to set boundaries for our neighbor"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> My husband and I fundamentally disagree on how to deal with a neighbor who has no boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7920\">Miss Manners: Can I tell the tourists we don\u2019t want to see their underwear?<\/a><\/p>\n<p>This guy has fallen on hard times and does virtually nothing to help himself. He has been offered jobs but doesn\u2019t take them. He wanders about almost like a homeless person except that he has lodging. He shows up at our door at exactly mealtime way too often for my taste.<\/p>\n<p>We are experiencing tough times now too, what with my business floundering these past couple of years. We can\u2019t afford to take care of this man on a regular basis, nor should we have to. I get so mad when I have worked all day and all night \u2014 and he hasn\u2019t \u2014 and he shows up at my door for dinner.<\/p>\n<p>My husband says we have food, so we should share. Somehow I have become the bad guy because I don\u2019t want to feed or entertain this man every day.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s wrong with this picture?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u2014 Boundaries<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR BOUNDARIES<\/strong>: This is a tricky situation, and you can at least attempt to control it.<\/p>\n<p>Since your husband clearly wants to continue to help this man, organize the help a little. Get your husband to agree to inviting him to one meal per week. With his blessing, he or you can extend that invitation so it\u2019s clear when the man can come and when he can\u2019t.<\/p>\n<div>\n<\/div>\n<p>If he shows up on other days, remind him of when his day is to dine with you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I live states away from my best friend, and I am starting to be concerned for her.<\/p>\n<p>Lately, she\u2019s had a whirlwind of things go wrong in her life. Her living situation to get away from her toxic parents for the summer fell through, and she went through a messy breakup, cut off a bad friend and lost her phone all within a span of a few weeks.<\/p>\n<p>She keeps telling me how depressed she feels and has even alluded to wanting to hurt herself.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7919\">Dear Abby: I want to go back to my ex-wife. How do I discuss this civilly with my partner?<\/a><\/p>\n<div>\n<\/div>\n<p>I\u2019ve spoken with her brother (the three of us are close), and he\u2019s aware and is trying as best as he can to help her deal with what she has going on.<\/p>\n<p>Is there anything I can do to help her even though I am not near her?<\/p>\n<p><em>\u2014 Concerned Friend<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND<\/strong>: You can continue to stay in close touch with her, preferably having video calls so you can see her face.<\/p>\n<p>If she continues to seem even remotely suicidal, point out that she can pick up the phone and call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a confidential call with a professional who can help her at any time of the day or night.<\/p>\n<p>If possible, schedule a time to visit her in the near future. Invite her to come see you. A change of pace may be refreshing for her.<\/p>\n<p>With so much happening to her at once, she would benefit from mental health support. Encourage that strongly.<\/p>\n<p><em>If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts, the 988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline offers free, round-the-clock support, information and resources for help. Call or text the lifeline at 988, or see the 988lifeline.org website, where chat is available.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7918\">Napa County prosecutors charge winery worker with starting 2025 Pickett Fire<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My husband says we have enough to share.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Harriette Cole: So I&#8217;m the bad guy because I want to set boundaries for our neighbor - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7921\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: So I&#8217;m the bad guy because I want to set boundaries for our neighbor - 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