{"id":7834,"date":"2026-08-27T09:36:30","date_gmt":"2026-08-27T09:36:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7834"},"modified":"2026-08-27T09:36:30","modified_gmt":"2026-08-27T09:36:30","slug":"asking-eric-would-it-be-wrong-to-move-far-away-without-telling-my-wifes-sons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7834","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Would it be wrong to move far away without telling my wife’s sons?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: Forty-five years ago, I married a widow with two sons. They are now grown with children of their own. My wife and I have been supportive of them and their families.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: My friend\u2019s grand birthday plan shoves me in the corner<\/a><\/p>\n

When one son was depressed over early hair loss, we got him counseling and a hair transplant. When he got colon cancer, I called often, giving him emotional support.<\/p>\n

I have been encouraging and offered guidance to his sons while they attended college. Upon their graduations, I sent them congratulatory cards with a substantial monetary gift.<\/p>\n

I have provided my other son with thousands of dollars without expecting repayment when the IRS came calling because he hadn\u2019t filed taxes for eight years.<\/p>\n

When his wife suffered an early death from brain cancer, over the months she was hospitalized, I called him frequently, providing emotional support and took him out for lunch or dinner.<\/p>\n

After my wife, their mother, suffered a stroke, she was confined to bed for nine years while I was her caretaker. The sons and grandchildren visited only on \u201cobligatory\u201d holidays like Mother\u2019s Day or Christmas. They rarely offered me emotional support.<\/p>\n

Since my wife passed, I\u2019ve heard crickets from them. None of them calling, coming by again or inviting me to dinner to get out of my now lonely empty house.<\/p>\n

I am considering moving across the country, not even telling them, and as they are not my blood, ceasing any relationship with them.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

What do you think?<\/p>\n

\u2013 No Calls<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear No Calls<\/strong>: Your family has gone through so much; I\u2019m very sorry. Your expectations of your stepsons aren\u2019t unreasonable at all. When loved ones are ailing or in need, you show up, you call, you support.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not clear from your letter whether you\u2019ve ever had a conversation with them about your expectations or asked them to be more present. But even if you haven\u2019t, there\u2019s obviously a disconnect on your stepsons\u2019 parts that\u2019s not your responsibility to fix.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It may make the most sense to release this expectation and get support elsewhere. If you do so, however, consider closing this chapter with acceptance. This will help you move forward with less resentment. Acknowledge that this is who your stepsons are, the relationships you have with them are not the relationships you want, you wish it was different, but you accept that it\u2019s not. You might even choose to tell them this in a letter. But mostly this is a practice for yourself and your peace.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> We are an empty-nester couple in our 50s. We entertain often, and in one group is a couple who have an adult child, W, who lives with them.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: This waiting room encounter left me aghast<\/a><\/p>\n

This couple frequently asks if W is invited too. We always say yes. The problem is that W tends to put a significant damper on gatherings. They never engage in conversation, literally zero, other than to answer direct questions.<\/p>\n

It might not be so obvious they weren\u2019t engaging if it weren\u2019t for the fact they always seem to choose a seat in the middle of things \u2013 middle of the table or the room or the couch, whatever \u2013 which makes it awkward, sometimes painfully so, to hold a conversation around them.<\/p>\n

When I\u2019m cooking in my too-small-for-more-than-one kitchen, W will absolutely reliably take the stool at the kitchen pass-through and turn their back to me to listen to those standing around outside the kitchen, which makes it difficult for others to easily engage with me.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think W intends any rudeness. I think they\u2019re just taking whatever looks to them like the most appealing seat without thinking much about it.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what to do. I want to be kind, but this has been going on for years and I find it draining and anticipate the request to include W with something increasingly approaching dread every time we entertain this group.<\/p>\n

I think it\u2019s possible W is neurodivergent, although no one has ever told me that, which of course would call for even more kindness.<\/p>\n

Is there any kind way to solve this? What possible way can you ask someone to sit somewhere less central without being unkind?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Not Enjoying the Party<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Party:<\/strong> Try bringing this up with W\u2019s parents and ask if they can think of a way that W might be better integrated into gatherings. They\u2019re likely used to W\u2019s social habits and are, hopefully, adept at helping their child to move through the world.<\/p>\n

You can also try putting out name cards at place settings the next time you entertain. This would allow you to mix and match people in whatever way you want. Not only could this enhance W\u2019s experience at the dinners, but it could give the rest of the guests a chance to engage with folks they otherwise might not.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I told this teen I saw her rash posts, but she won\u2019t stop<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: Our guests’ child always seems to find the most obnoxious place to sit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Would it be wrong to move far away without telling my wife’s sons? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7834\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Would it be wrong to move far away without telling my wife’s sons? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: Our guests' child always seems to find the most obnoxious place to sit.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7834\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-27T09:36:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Would it be wrong to move far away without telling my wife’s sons?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-27T09:36:30+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834\"},\"wordCount\":914,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7834\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Would it be wrong to move far away without telling my wife’s sons? 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