{"id":7690,"date":"2026-08-25T09:38:42","date_gmt":"2026-08-25T09:38:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7690"},"modified":"2026-08-25T09:38:42","modified_gmt":"2026-08-25T09:38:42","slug":"asking-eric-i-wonder-if-this-bombshell-came-from-my-daughters-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7690","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: I wonder if this bombshell came from my daughter’s therapist"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> My husband died by his own hand more than 20 years ago. We had three kids younger than 15.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I feel it is my destiny to be famous. Am I delusional?<\/a><\/p>\n

I was devastated but I had to keep going to maintain some normalcy for them. I went back to school, got a job, sent kids to college, et cetera.<\/p>\n

Then came a bombshell a few years ago. My youngest said I have never been there for her, that I only communicate with her with small talk and that emails are just a place for me to tell her what I\u2019ve been doing. (Isn\u2019t that what emails are for?)<\/p>\n

She said I didn\u2019t tell her I loved her, didn\u2019t help enough with her wedding, used her kids for Facebook posts, that I favored one child over her and that I don\u2019t visit her and her family enough. (I live more than 1,200 miles away). She says she\u2019s so happy that her mother-in-law is there for her since I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n

She says our relationship is only skin-deep and that\u2019s not what she wants. She\u2019s happy with her little bubble of friends.<\/p>\n

No matter what I say or do, it\u2019s wrong and she tears into me again. I think a lot of this is coming from her \u201ctherapist.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m at wit\u2019s end of what to do. I think maybe we should just be estranged. It would save us both some grief and angst every time an email arrives. I wouldn\u2019t even feel welcome right now if I should go to visit. Any advice?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unwelcome Mother<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Mother:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry for the terrible loss you experienced and I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re navigating this traumatic period with your daughter. It\u2019s possible that some of this is a result of unresolved grief with which she\u2019s struggling, but it\u2019s hard to tell since she won\u2019t engage with you and only lobs criticism.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s clear this relationship needs a reset. To your point, it may be helpful for you to give yourself some space for a time, as what you\u2019ve heard from her has been hurtful.<\/p>\n

She told you that the relationship you have is not what she wants. Although she\u2019s listed ways that she feels you\u2019ve wronged her in the past, I\u2019m curious if she is able to identify things that you both could do differently moving forward.<\/p>\n

You might say something like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry for my part in what went wrong in the past. I\u2019d like to work through it, eventually, but it will be easier to do that if we set a different course for the future. What are one or two actionable changes that we can commit to?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

The past can be overwhelming and it\u2019s clear that you have different perspectives on it. The advice isn\u2019t to ignore the past, but the past can\u2019t be solved in a day. Tomorrow can only be different, however, if you and she can agree to work toward it together.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: If they\u2019re trying to brighten my workday, they\u2019re failing<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I would like to add something to your response to \u201cProperty Brothers,\u201d the parents who must move closer to medical providers. Each of their two sons has room on his property and has asked the parents to build a home for themselves there.<\/p>\n

Your answer addressing the emotional aspect is fine.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a financial adviser. The following must be addressed to avoid a potential falling-out between their sons and to protect their own estate:<\/p>\n

They must have a written, legal document that states if the son on whose property they build their dwelling divorces, dies or sells his property, there is language that addresses how the parents are compensated.<\/p>\n

When they die and if they have substantial assets, the other son will be compensated for assets that are equivalent to the amount of the home. If there are no assets other than the home, how will the son with the dwelling on his property compensate his brother?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Property Protection<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Property:<\/strong> Thank you for this addendum. That\u2019s a very helpful insight that will, hopefully, save the family from future strife.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: Boy, can I relate to \u201cTime After Time,\u201d whose partner is always late. I\u2019m the late one in my marriage.<\/p>\n

Yes, it drives my husband nuts, and he does see it as an insult. After years of this conflict, I figured out a solution that has worked for us: Instead of focusing on what time the event starts, I ask, \u201cWhat time do you want to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

That way my husband sets the time, and I make sure I am ready to go in time to leave when he wants to. It has worked very well for us.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Time-Challenged<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Time:<\/strong> Thanks for writing in. I like this reframing because it prioritizes communication and, in asking the question, you indicate to your husband that though you may be late, you\u2019re trying to be considerate of his time as well.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Ocean and open water lifeguards in California should be considered first responders, lawmakers say<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think maybe we should just be estranged. 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