{"id":7476,"date":"2026-08-22T09:06:57","date_gmt":"2026-08-22T09:06:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476"},"modified":"2026-08-22T09:06:57","modified_gmt":"2026-08-22T09:06:57","slug":"harriette-cole-why-would-you-stay-with-a-guy-who-says-hes-not-your-boyfriend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> You really missed an opportunity to tell the letter writer \u201cNot Your Boyfriend\u201d to stand up for herself.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: My friend couldn\u2019t have known the gift would trigger me like that<\/a><\/p>\n

The guy she\u2019s been dating for months asked what she wanted for her birthday, then when she answered, \u201cSurprise me,\u201d he announced he \u201cwasn\u2019t her boyfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

The letter writer herself said they weren\u2019t \u201cofficial,\u201d whatever that means.<\/p>\n

It is obvious this woman has very low self-esteem if she\u2019s dating some guy for months \u201cunofficially,\u201d and he tells her outright he isn\u2019t her boyfriend.<\/p>\n

Please use your platform to advise her to drop this user and move on to a guy who respects and values her as a person, not just a convenience. She is wasting her time and self-respect by allowing herself to be used and emotionally abused by Mr. \u201cNot Your Boyfriend.\u201d Can he make his disrespect for her any clearer?<\/p>\n

Forget about red flags, this guy is a jerk who doesn\u2019t see her as a worthwhile person.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Run<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR RUN:<\/strong> Yes, this man is not honoring her, so she should leave.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Also, I must say I hear from so many people who are in casual, uncommitted relationships for many months at a time. It seems to be a trend. For anyone who finds themselves in such a bond, reassess if it\u2019s worth it. Sometimes that kind of company is not.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> Last week, I surprised a friend of mine on her birthday because I hadn\u2019t heard from her in a couple of months. I am so glad I showed up when I did, because it seems like she needed some love.<\/p>\n

I tried to conceal my shock, but upon entry to her apartment, it was complete chaos \u2014 clothes, groceries, empty food containers, dishes and trash everywhere.<\/p>\n

She was stunned to see me at her door, and even more stunned when I rolled up my sleeves and began getting her place in order. By the end of the night, we\u2019d cleaned up her home, done some laundry, blew out some candles, ate some birthday cake, cried, laughed, prayed together and discussed the depression she\u2019s experiencing.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: The way my boyfriend\u2019s little girl talks annoys the heck out of me<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Last year, her best friend passed away, and she is still struggling with that loss. On top of that, she was laid off two months ago.<\/p>\n

What kind of resources would you suggest to a friend climbing out of depression and finding herself and her career again?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Darkest Hour<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR DARKEST HOUR:<\/strong> Thank God you showed up when you did and had the right attitude and wherewithal to support your friend.<\/p>\n

You should stay in close touch with her. She trusts you and let you in even as she has been isolating herself.<\/p>\n

Recommend she go to counseling. If she still has insurance, she can look for an individual therapist. She can also look for grief counseling through a spiritual home or community center.<\/p>\n

She may consider volunteering at a retirement home or a children\u2019s center. Why? Sometimes putting your mind on others can help you to heal. The act of serving others has a calming quality, and it can take your mind off your problems.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Richmond fire tragedy: Mother still fighting for life as DA hits suspect with 3 murder charges<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: I dropped by on my friend’s birthday and her place was a total wreck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: I dropped by on my friend's birthday and her place was a total wreck.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476\"},\"wordCount\":630,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":900},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7476#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest","og_description":"Plus: I dropped by on my friend's birthday and her place was a total wreck.","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend?","datePublished":"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476"},"wordCount":630,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476","name":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend? - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","datePublished":"2026-08-22T09:06:57+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp","width":1500,"height":900},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7476#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Harriette Cole: Why would you stay with a guy who says he’s not your boyfriend?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7476"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7476\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5384"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}