{"id":7475,"date":"2026-08-22T08:35:21","date_gmt":"2026-08-22T08:35:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475"},"modified":"2026-08-22T08:35:21","modified_gmt":"2026-08-22T08:35:21","slug":"miss-manners-my-friend-couldnt-have-known-the-gift-would-trigger-me-like-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: I received a birthday card from a newish friend in the neighborhood. The card was unsolicited, though the giver had previously asked whether a party I was throwing had something to do with my birthday, and I admitted that it did happen to fall on that day.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: The way my boyfriend\u2019s little girl talks annoys the heck out of me<\/a><\/p>\n

The card had a few scratch-off lottery tickets in it. My family happens to have a horrible history with gambling, even involving several gambling-related deaths and other traumas. I have a horror of anything related to gambling and often change the channel or have to leave the room when gambling ads come on during sporting events.<\/p>\n

This is not a particularly good friend, so I do not want to get into my family history, but I do see them around the neighborhood and for shared activities from time to time.<\/p>\n

Is there any way to avoid encouraging this friend to ever give me such a gift again? I want to thank them for thinking of me, but am not sure how. I don\u2019t want this to become a habit for holidays, etc.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: All you have to do is say \u201cthank you\u201d and discreetly give the tickets away.<\/p>\n

If your friend asks if you won, Miss Manners suggests you say vaguely, \u201cI\u2019m not a gambler, but I appreciate the thought\u201d and leave it at that.<\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: May I ask, has it become acceptable to bring additional, uninvited guests to a casual gathering?<\/p>\n

We have a pool, and had family in from out of town. Some additional family members (also from out of town) came for a casual cookout and brought friends of theirs \u2014 informing, not asking, the other family members (not the hosts) only one day in advance.<\/p>\n

Read more Richmond fire tragedy: Mother still fighting for life as DA hits suspect with 3 murder charges<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

As the hostess, I was appalled at the very apparent lack of what I would call good manners and etiquette; I would never put a host\/hostess in this position.<\/p>\n

I hate to say anything, as it is family I am dealing with, and I also don\u2019t want to be rude. However, I feel that if rudeness is to be corrected, it should be pointed out to the offender, albeit politely. Am I overreacting?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER:<\/strong> The only choice when one is not informed beforehand is to act pleasant, but shocked, when they show up \u2014 and to make a small show of laboriously procuring extra plates, towels, food, etc.<\/p>\n

Miss Manners never wants to shame the uninvited guests \u2014 who may have been brought there under false pretenses \u2014 but rather to subtly betray that they were unexpected. If supplies are scarce, she would apologetically ask the offenders for indulgence, not their guests.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Of course, subtlety may not be effective here. Which is why afterwards, or for future invitations, you should pointedly tell the offending relatives that your pool cannot accommodate large groups \u2014 or that you wish to keep the party just family. At the very least, they should let you know directly, in advance, if they are inviting strangers into your home.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Pair faces animal trafficking charges in California for alleged yearslong reptile-smuggling operation<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do I prevent it from happening again without getting into my whole family history?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5289,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How do I prevent it from happening again without getting into my whole family history?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475\"},\"wordCount\":603,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"width\":1518,\"height\":1042},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7475#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest","og_description":"How do I prevent it from happening again without getting into my whole family history?","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that","datePublished":"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475"},"wordCount":603,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475","name":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp","datePublished":"2026-08-22T08:35:21+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp","width":1518,"height":1042},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7475#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Miss Manners: My friend couldn’t have known the gift would trigger me like that"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7475"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7475\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5289"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}