{"id":735,"date":"2026-05-29T09:36:45","date_gmt":"2026-05-29T09:36:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=735"},"modified":"2026-05-29T09:36:45","modified_gmt":"2026-05-29T09:36:45","slug":"asking-eric-my-co-workers-deception-got-me-in-trouble-with-the-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=735","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My co-worker’s deception got me in trouble with the boss"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> I work in a small department with two colleagues. One of them, \u201cJames,\u201d has always been challenging to work with due to frequent errors and an unpredictable emotional temperament.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I ignored my cousin\u2019s warning and dated this man. It ended badly.<\/a><\/p>\n

Despite this, we have remained professional as he didn\u2019t seem malicious.<\/p>\n

As a hobbyist crafter, I recently agreed to create a wood carving for him free of charge to honor a deceased loved one. However, a situation recently arose in which James shared confidential information with our boss \u2013 information he wasn\u2019t supposed to have. Our boss initially assumed I was the source of the leak and was extremely upset.<\/p>\n

While I have since cleared my name and the true source was identified, I discovered that, for the 20-minute conversation, James allowed our boss to believe I was responsible without correcting him.<\/p>\n

When I confronted James, he admitted to it but offered no apology or explanation.<\/p>\n

Now, I am struggling with how to handle the wood carving. I\u2019ve considered giving it to him unfinished and explaining that I can no longer complete it, but I\u2019m worried that might come across as petty. At the same time, I feel taken advantage of.<\/p>\n

I always value your balanced and empathetic perspective and would appreciate any advice you have on how to handle this.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Betrayed Coworker<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Coworker:<\/strong> Your hesitancy around the favor you\u2019re doing for James makes sense. His actions suggest a lack of integrity or, worse, a callous disregard for your professional well-being and reputation.<\/p>\n

Being petty would be understandable. But giving him the unfinished piece probably wouldn\u2019t get you the resolution you need and could contribute to an on-going difficult work situation. In a department as small as yours, and with a person who has a history of being challenging, it\u2019s better to be direct.<\/p>\n

To that end, I suggest addressing again the conversation he had with your boss.<\/p>\n

You can say something like, \u201cI want to have a working relationship with you but I\u2019m hitting a roadblock because of this thing that you did. I feel betrayed and uncomfortable. It\u2019s difficult for me to get past it because I don\u2019t understand why you did what you did?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

He may come up with something or he may not. You can decide if what he says changes the way you feel. If you still feel the same way, it\u2019s fair to say that. \u201cOur working relationship has changed because of this and while I will continue to be professional, I don\u2019t feel comfortable doing outside projects for you and so I won\u2019t be able to complete the craft project we discussed.\u201d<\/p>\n

I also recommend you circle back with your boss about this and make sure that the air is clear between the two of you. It\u2019s not up to you to keep raising alarms about James, but if James is willing to lie through omission to your boss, it\u2019s possible he\u2019s also hiding other work deficiencies from him.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: Did I deserve to be scolded about the baby shower?<\/a><\/p>\n

A clear line of communication between you and your boss may help him to see the department more clearly and make any changes that need to happen.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: We have a family member who has worked in public service for decades; think fireman, policeman, EMT, paramedic.<\/p>\n

They have been let out of tickets for years and years. Because of that, they have a driving record with no blemishes at all, which is not reflective of how they actually drive.<\/p>\n

As this family member has gotten older and the time for them to stop driving is upon us, we have little recourse because their driving record is clean.<\/p>\n

We by no means believe that every infraction deserves a ticket but letting repeat offenders off because of their connections is a dangerous practice, putting the public, the offender and the offender\u2019s family at risk. What can we do?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Unsafe Roads<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Roads<\/strong>: If you\u2019re concerned about the way that this family member, or anyone is driving, you can make an anonymous report to the Department of Motor Vehicles (or Department of Licensing, Department of Transportation, et cetera) if you have direct knowledge of an incident or a pattern.<\/p>\n

However, if you have a more immediate concern, i.e., the family member is at the moment driving erratically or is impaired, call 911.<\/p>\n

People\u2019s abilities behind the wheel change for all manner of reasons; sometimes drivers aren\u2019t aware of the changes they\u2019ve undergone and are resistant to intervention from family or friends. The department will investigate and make an assessment, with or without a history of tickets. Remedies range from re-testing to limitations on the license to suspension or more, depending on the driver\u2019s competency.<\/p>\n

Your family member\u2019s service to the public is admirable and needed, but that doesn\u2019t give them a license to put their safety or the safety of others at risk.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: He might soon be my son-in-law. For now, he\u2019s the guy who stole my money.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Thomas: Now I don’t want to fulfill a favor to him. 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