{"id":7284,"date":"2026-08-20T09:36:50","date_gmt":"2026-08-20T09:36:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7284"},"modified":"2026-08-20T09:36:50","modified_gmt":"2026-08-20T09:36:50","slug":"asking-eric-her-husband-drinks-so-much-that-shes-afraid-to-leave-him-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7284","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Her husband drinks so much that she’s afraid to leave him alone"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: A close friend of 45 years has been married to an alcoholic for more than 20 years.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: My 14-year-old brother wants to live with me. Bad idea?<\/a><\/p>\n

She lives in a different state. After he lost his job and spent his days at home drinking, she stopped working so she could \u201cwatch him and keep things under control.\u201d He has never acknowledged his alcoholism or sought help.<\/p>\n

He has serious health problems that doctors attribute to alcohol abuse; he has been hospitalized several times.<\/p>\n

She no longer travels with him because he embarrasses her, and she is afraid to leave him alone for any length of time.<\/p>\n

My friend is financially secure, has no children, and is estranged from her family, likely in part because of him.<\/p>\n

Over the years, I have encouraged her to seek help, consult a lawyer, and make an exit plan for herself or for him.<\/p>\n

Recently, she told me she spoke to a lawyer and was unwilling to give up the comfortable lifestyle she had grown used to because she would have to give him half of everything. Yet I know she lives very frugally and has told me about her substantial assets, including money her father left her that her husband cannot access.<\/p>\n

Exasperated, I finally asked her, \u201cAre you really saying your lifestyle matters more than your sanity in the years you have left?\u201d She hung up on me.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Recently she texted me, acting like nothing happened. What do you advise?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Reconnected<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friend<\/strong>: Sometimes when people struggle with alcohol dependency, they believe that they are beyond help or there\u2019s nothing that can fix their problems. This is not true.<\/p>\n

Similarly, sometimes people who are in unhealthy or even codependent relationships with people who have alcoholism believe that there is no solution and they just have to stick it out. This is also not true.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Your friend would greatly benefit from going to an Al-Anon meeting or a meeting of SMART Recovery Family; please encourage her to look into it. You might even volunteer to go with her to a virtual meeting. She is not at fault for her husband\u2019s drinking, of course, but her thinking is part of what\u2019s keeping her captive, and it doesn\u2019t have to be this way.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: A woman I know was making a scene in a store. Was my reaction appropriate?<\/a><\/p>\n

Her text suggests that she\u2019s looking for support, even if she\u2019s not able to accept it in the way you want her to. Instead of relitigating the discussion about her lifestyle, you might be better served by laying out the facts to her: \u201cYou say you\u2019re unhappy; his behavior is dangerous; I\u2019m concerned. I\u2019m not going to give you an ultimatum, but I think you know that something has to change. Would you accept my help in finding a path forward?\u201d<\/p>\n

One possible path might look like talking to a financial adviser or another attorney to make a better plan.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I have never had patience for prejudice. I grew up in a household where it simply wasn\u2019t practiced, and it wasn\u2019t until I went to college in the 1980s that I realized some people harbor dislike for others without reason. To this day, I still don\u2019t truly understand it.<\/p>\n

I am quick to distance myself from anyone who openly practices prejudice. As a result, my social circle is extremely small. Now that I am 61 and retired, I find myself with very few friends.<\/p>\n

I have frequently \u201cghosted\u201d long-term acquaintances for using derogatory language, as I feel they aren\u2019t worth the time it takes to provide an explanation.<\/p>\n

How does one navigate these waters?<\/p>\n

\u2013 One Close Friend<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friend:<\/strong> While it isn\u2019t your job to correct people\u2019s behavior, as a friend you have the opportunity to let these people know that what they\u2019re saying isn\u2019t right and you expect more from them. If no one ever says anything to them, their prejudiced thinking could go unchallenged, and they may never afford themselves the opportunity to widen their perspective.<\/p>\n

Now, you write that you feel these acquaintances aren\u2019t worth the time to provide an explanation. So, could it be that the foundation of the relationship was shaky to begin with? If you don\u2019t see them as people who merit discussion, maybe you and they weren\u2019t well-matched to begin with.<\/p>\n

You might look at how you\u2019re meeting people and ask yourself if there are ways of connecting and building relationships with people whose worldview more closely aligns with your own. You could volunteer for a cause in which you believe or join a club that focuses on one of your interests and see if friendship blooms from there.<\/p>\n

Sometimes finding our people takes a little bit of detective work. Think about what you want your social circle to look like and what kind of people you\u2019d like to be in regular contact with and seek them out.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I\u2019m not going to wear the Fitbit, but I can\u2019t just say it like that<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I encouraged her to make an exit plan, she hung up on me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Her husband drinks so much that she’s afraid to leave him alone - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7284\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Her husband drinks so much that she’s afraid to leave him alone - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When I encouraged her to make an exit plan, she hung up on me.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7284\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-20T09:36:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Her husband drinks so much that she’s afraid to leave him alone\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-20T09:36:50+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284\"},\"wordCount\":915,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7284\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Her husband drinks so much that she’s afraid to leave him alone - 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