{"id":7193,"date":"2026-08-19T09:39:09","date_gmt":"2026-08-19T09:39:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193"},"modified":"2026-08-19T09:39:09","modified_gmt":"2026-08-19T09:39:09","slug":"asking-eric-he-says-hes-too-anxious-to-even-look-for-a-job","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My longtime friend has a 39-year-old son who refuses to look for a job.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical<\/a><\/p>\n

His last job was seven years ago. His mother found the job for him, but his employer passed away. He is bright, likeable, talented, good-looking and in great shape.<\/p>\n

His excuses, to name a few: his father died 18 years ago; he has sleep anxiety disorder so he cannot get to job at the required start time; general anxiety.<\/p>\n

As a result of his not working and constant need for financial support, his mother is pressured by him to keep him fed and provide a roof over his head. She is quite miserable with the pressure of this dilemma. She has limited funds and is of retirement age.<\/p>\n

I have suggested that she needs to stop supporting him or, at most, supply him with a few months of rent and food with an ultimatum of an end date. I think that there must be professionals that can help this man. This situation seems to have become a real problem.<\/p>\n

Can you give my friends (he is my friend also) advice as to how to find such a professional and the tools and steps forward to solve this debilitating problem?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Deeply Concerned Friend<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friend:<\/strong> Your younger friend may believe that the barriers in his life are insurmountable. But that belief is not fact. The longer he stays stuck, the worse he\u2019ll make the situation for himself and for his mother.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

He doesn\u2019t have to solve everything all at once, but he should take one step in the direction of a solution. The first step might be therapy. There are remedies and accommodations for the anxiety.<\/p>\n

A therapist can help him process and can also help him work up alternatives that meet him where he is. One solution, for instance, might be a remote job with flexible start times. Nothing will seem like a good fit in abstraction; he has to try.<\/p>\n

A career counselor can point him to resources and options. He might also consider interning, seeking a mentor, volunteering, or further education. He has to do things that prove to himself and others that he is open to growth.<\/p>\n

As to his mother, a clear boundary is necessary. She\u2019s doing herself a disservice by putting her financial future in jeopardy. It is a fact of life that he needs an income of some sort; he has to accept that.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: We ordered takeout with our rich new friends, and things took an unexpected turn<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Encourage her to come up with a schedule of dates for when certain aspects of her support will end or change. Have her go over it with her son. She can discuss adjustments to it, if she wants, but they have to leave the conversation with the shared agreement that this situation isn\u2019t tenable as is, it will not continue, and that he is going to make strides to change.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: A friend of mine cuts my hair. He is a good person and a talented barber, but every time I sit down for a haircut, the conversation quickly turns to religion.<\/p>\n

I respect his beliefs and have no problem with people discussing their faith. However, it has reached a point where nearly every haircut becomes a religious discussion. For me, getting a haircut is a chance to relax, unwind, and take a break from the stresses of daily life.<\/p>\n

I value our friendship and do not want to hurt his feelings, but I also wish he would understand that I am not always interested in discussing religion while getting my hair cut. Sometimes I would simply prefer a casual conversation or even a few moments of quiet.<\/p>\n

How can I respectfully communicate my feelings and set boundaries without damaging our friendship?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Hair and Holiness<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Hair<\/strong>: Start by sharing your observation and then share your request. \u201cI noticed that during haircuts the topic of religion often comes up. I respect your beliefs but I\u2019d rather not talk about religion. I enjoy our time together and I appreciate your skill. Would you be willing to talk about other things during haircuts?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hopefully, he gets it and agrees. Even though you\u2019re friends, you\u2019re also a client and one would hope that he\u2019d be able to shift gears when a client lets him know about a preference. Moreover, one would hope that he\u2019d listen to a friend who made a request.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a possibility that he pushes back. He may say that religion is important to him and it\u2019s what he wants to talk about. There\u2019s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to talk about what interests him, in the right context. But that kind of recalcitrance would suggest he\u2019s less interested in a conversation and more interested in a captive audience. In that case, for the sake of the friendship, you might want to find another barber.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: What if there really is video of me doing these things?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He hasn’t worked since his employer died 7 years ago.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"He hasn't worked since his employer died 7 years ago.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193\"},\"wordCount\":910,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":922},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7193#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Next City Digest\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\",\"name\":\"admin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"admin\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest","og_description":"He hasn't worked since his employer died 7 years ago.","og_url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193","og_site_name":"Next City Digest","article_published_time":"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00","author":"admin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"admin","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193"},"author":{"name":"admin","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"headline":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job","datePublished":"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193"},"wordCount":910,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","articleSection":["Advice"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193","name":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job - Next City Digest","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","datePublished":"2026-08-19T09:39:09+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp","width":1500,"height":922},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7193#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Asking Eric: He says he’s too anxious to even look for a job"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/","name":"Next City Digest","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/#\/schema\/person\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b","name":"admin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/50b1ad2e498f523425ee0a8cc5180a210646db1622662a3d56cc405d3e0c346a?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"admin"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/nextcitydigest.com"],"url":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7193"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7193\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}