{"id":7192,"date":"2026-08-19T09:09:50","date_gmt":"2026-08-19T09:09:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7192"},"modified":"2026-08-19T09:09:50","modified_gmt":"2026-08-19T09:09:50","slug":"harriette-cole-i-told-him-i-wanted-an-actual-date-and-he-blasted-me-as-egotistical","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7192","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: Someone who\u2019s been flirtatious with me via social media for some time now finally mustered up the courage to send me a formal pitch of why he\u2019s interested and why he\u2019d like my phone number. I was flattered.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: We ordered takeout with our rich new friends, and things took an unexpected turn<\/a><\/p>\n

Since then, we\u2019ve hung out once, at an event where he was working. At the end of that night, he invited me to another work event he had coming up. I shared that I\u2019d like to spend time with him outside of work.<\/p>\n

A week or two went by and I\u2019d barely heard from him, so I sent a text to see how he was doing. His responses were lackluster, so I decided to get straight to the point and asked if he intended to see me again. He responded, \u201cIt depends.\u201d<\/p>\n

A few days passed and he asked why I never texted back. I explained that I did not want to make time for someone who had no intentions of making time for me. He replied with a brutal message calling me self-centered, spoiled and egotistical.<\/p>\n

Did I do something wrong?<\/p>\n

\u2014 High Standards<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR HIGH STANDARDS<\/strong>: You two are clearly not in sync. Who knows why he reacted so strongly, but consider it a sign for you to move on.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> For the first time in a long time, I am in a steady romantic relationship.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I haven\u2019t done much dating since my last relationship four years ago. I\u2019ve been dating this current guy for three months. At first, I was a bit skeptical, but I have since warmed up to him, so much so that my friends have noticed an undeniable difference in my demeanor.<\/p>\n

While I do enjoy the bond we are building, I still find myself being quite defensive and feeling skeptical about this romance.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: What if there really is video of me doing these things?<\/a><\/p>\n

I am 39, and my friends keep reminding me to \u201ctry to enjoy it,\u201d \u201clet your guard down\u201d and \u201cdon\u2019t push him away.\u201d Although it feels like they\u2019re saying I\u2019m the problem, they seem to be very happy for me and my new beau.<\/p>\n

Despite how happy I am with him, I still feel this looming panic about what comes next or how things will turn out. How do I heal my skepticism and anxiety? I don\u2019t want it to seep into my new relationship and ruin a good thing before it truly starts.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u2014 Old Habits<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR OLD HABITS:<\/strong> It is still early in your relationship, so try to relax and get to know this person.<\/p>\n

Think about what you like about him. Don\u2019t be afraid to speak up to say what interests you and also what doesn\u2019t. For example, if you aren\u2019t interested in some of his hobbies, you can say so. If you like one type of cuisine over another, encourage trying out your preferences even as you also consider his.<\/p>\n

Bigger than that, though, talk about values and desires. What do you want in life ultimately? Do you want to have a casual companion? Would you want to get married? Do you want children?<\/p>\n

Be open about your long-term desires. If your goals and dreams don\u2019t match, don\u2019t waste each other\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more \u2018Cooking Thai\u2019 Recipe: Thai Tea Cheesecake<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He was flirty, I was flattered — and then things fell apart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7192","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7192\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"He was flirty, I was flattered -- and then things fell apart.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7192\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-19T09:09:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-19T09:09:50+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192\"},\"wordCount\":637,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7192\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I told him I wanted an actual date, and he blasted me as egotistical - 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