{"id":7110,"date":"2026-08-18T08:06:56","date_gmt":"2026-08-18T08:06:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7110"},"modified":"2026-08-18T08:06:56","modified_gmt":"2026-08-18T08:06:56","slug":"dear-abby-i-just-wanted-to-see-what-was-on-my-husbands-computer-why-do-i-feel-hes-hiding-something","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7110","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: I just wanted to see what was on my husband’s computer. Why do I feel he’s hiding something?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My husband and I have been married for 26 years. I have often felt as if we are growing apart, finding interests in different things.<\/p>\n

Read more Two wounded in West Oakland drive-by shooting<\/a><\/p>\n

We seem unable to discuss our emotions without one of us getting hurt feelings and the talk devolving into awful arguments. There has never been any real question of extramarital affairs.<\/p>\n

One night, I playfully asked if I could go through his computer. He immediately became defensive, saying he just doesn\u2019t like people getting into his computer, messing with his stuff.<\/p>\n

I get that. I wouldn\u2019t want just anybody getting into my computer, either. However, I am not just anybody; I\u2019m his wife. He has full access to all of my computers, phones and digital accessories.<\/p>\n

Why do I feel like he\u2019s got something to hide? I don\u2019t know what to do.<\/p>\n

\u2014 PRESUMPTION OF GUILT<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR PRESUMPTION:<\/strong> Pressing your husband on this issue right now will only lead to more arguments.<\/p>\n

If you want to repair the marriage, you both need to learn to communicate more effectively. Without mentioning his computer, invite your husband to see a licensed family therapist with you.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

If he refuses, go without him. If he agrees, work on the basics now and save the privacy issues and your suspicions for future sessions.<\/p>\n

DEAR ABBY:<\/strong> I am a 54-year-old woman who, after 40 years, reconnected with my childhood best friend, \u201cNeil.\u201d We are now engaged.<\/p>\n

Read more DOJ official flags Stanford for scrutiny over foreign donations<\/a><\/p>\n

I have no children, but Neil has two girls ages 11 and 13. The 11-year-old is in therapy and on medication for depression and anxiety. I love them as if they were my own.<\/p>\n

Their mother is useless and irresponsible, and Neil can\u2019t stand her.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

My problem is that his behavior is not much better. Neil has severe anger issues. He has cursed at me and called me horrible names (in front of the girls) many times. Since we started couples therapy, he has improved, but he still displays anger issues, has a drinking problem and has no control over his children. They have no rules, discipline or any kind of parenting from him or their mother.<\/p>\n

I am miserable and want to leave. We\u2019ve been together almost five years, and I don\u2019t want to hurt him again. He\u2019d be destroyed. Worse, the girls would be devastated. I\u2019m scared about how the younger one would react. I would also be devastated.<\/p>\n

I am bipolar, and my mental and emotional health have been severely affected. My physical health is also deteriorating because of so much stress \u2014 stomach issues, weight loss, psoriasis. My personal therapist is not much help. What do I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014 OVER MY HEAD IN NEW YORK<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR OVER:<\/strong> My first thought is that you should change therapists if this one isn\u2019t helpful. Then, after you regain some strength, stop worrying about Neil.<\/p>\n

You might find it helpful to attend some Al-Anon meetings. If you do, you will come to understand that his anger and alcohol issues aren\u2019t something you can solve by staying with him.<\/p>\n

Neil\u2019s children are not and should not be your responsibility. If you haven\u2019t been able to establish a healthy, stable environment for them (at least when they are staying with their dad), accept that it isn\u2019t likely to happen. Explain to the children that it is not their fault that you are leaving, and then move on.<\/p>\n

Read more Driver killed in solo-vehicle crash in Palo Alto<\/a><\/p>\n

Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do I feel like he’s hiding something?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7028,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: I just wanted to see what was on my husband’s computer. Why do I feel he’s hiding something? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7110\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: I just wanted to see what was on my husband’s computer. 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