{"id":7031,"date":"2026-08-17T09:05:33","date_gmt":"2026-08-17T09:05:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7031"},"modified":"2026-08-17T09:05:33","modified_gmt":"2026-08-17T09:05:33","slug":"harriette-cole-i-lost-the-child-for-just-a-few-minutes-and-the-parents-fired-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7031","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I lost the child for just a few minutes, and the parents fired me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> I am a nanny, and I lost track of the child I was watching while we were in the library. I told the parents about it because I wanted to be transparent, and they fired me.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: If I complain that my doctor is late, they try to make me look stupid<\/a><\/p>\n

They said this incident made them lose trust in me and my capabilities to watch their child.<\/p>\n

It has been hard to find another nanny job, because they won\u2019t give me a recommendation. I completely understand why they were upset, and if I were in their position, I would probably have had the same reaction.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, the child was found safe just a few minutes later by a librarian in another section of the building, but those few minutes felt like the longest of my life. It was an honest mistake, but I know that mistakes involving children can have serious consequences.<\/p>\n

Before this, I had never received a single complaint from any family I worked for. I have always been punctual and attentive, and I genuinely cared for the children in my care.<\/p>\n

This one incident has made me question whether I should continue working as a nanny at all. Every interview I\u2019ve had since then has ended once prospective families ask for references from my most recent employer. Without a recommendation, I feel like one mistake has erased years of good work and experience.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to hide what happened, because I believe honesty is important, but I also don\u2019t know how to move forward professionally. What should I do?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Stymied<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR STYMIED:<\/strong> Go back to the family and ask to have a talk with them. Ask if they would be willing to write a reference about what worked well with you even if they also mention the momentary loss. If you have a balanced story in hand, at least you could have something to talk about.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I resent them for barring my grandchildren from the wedding reception<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I don\u2019t feel very close with my children. They\u2019re all grown up now, and I\u2019m afraid I didn\u2019t put enough emphasis on creating a bond with them as they grew up. I focused more on finding opportunities for them, disciplining them and helping them get on promising paths.<\/p>\n

But now that they\u2019re doing well, and don\u2019t exactly \u201cneed\u201d me anymore, it seems we lack a connection. I guess I was the unfriendly parent \u2014 strictly business \u2014 and I feel it now.<\/p>\n

It seems the harder I try to get to know them, the more embarrassed I feel about not already having that type of relationship.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

How can I build a genuine bond with my children now, so late in the game?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Long Overdue<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR LONG OVERDUE<\/strong>: Tell each of them that you want to start a ritual where you do something special together \u2014 just the two of you.<\/p>\n

Ask them what they would enjoy \u2014 a meal, a shopping trip, a day at the beach, whatever they want. If they agree, spend the time with them attentively listening and being fully present. Share how proud you are of who they have become and acknowledge that you want to get to know them as adults.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Opinion: Saratoga\u2019s hillside communities should be Firewise<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Worse, they won’t give me a recommendation, and nobody wants to hire me without it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7031","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: I lost the child for just a few minutes, and the parents fired me - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7031\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: I lost the child for just a few minutes, and the parents fired me - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Worse, they won't give me a recommendation, and nobody wants to hire me without it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=7031\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-17T09:05:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Harriette Cole: I lost the child for just a few minutes, and the parents fired me\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-17T09:05:33+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031\"},\"wordCount\":620,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/934295b22278f63640af5eb98e8b862d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=7031\",\"name\":\"Harriette Cole: I lost the child for just a few minutes, and the parents fired me - 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