{"id":6844,"date":"2026-08-15T08:36:03","date_gmt":"2026-08-15T08:36:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6844"},"modified":"2026-08-15T08:36:03","modified_gmt":"2026-08-15T08:36:03","slug":"miss-manners-it-really-is-my-name-but-they-claim-not-to-believe-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6844","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: It really is my name, but they claim not to believe me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: I am wondering what to say when I meet new people and they question my first name.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My husband has become a grandpa, and I want him back<\/a><\/p>\n

I have always accepted whatever name someone calls himself, whether it\u2019s conventional like John or Steven or a nickname like Cookie, Corky, R.J. or Button.<\/p>\n

I would consider it rude to ask the person what their \u201creal\u201d name is or what the nickname stands for. Yet, when I introduce myself, I invariably get asked questions. Some people go so far as to repeat the nickname incredulously, or to make fun of it. I am at a loss as to how I might respond to them.<\/p>\n

My particular case is a female nickname that is the same as a male nickname. (Think \u201cJack.\u201d) But when I say \u201cJack,\u201d almost no one accepts it. Here are some responses:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your real<\/em> first name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? I never heard that<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s your real first name, Jacqueline? And you don\u2019t like it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a guy\u2019s name!\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u201cIs that short for Jackie?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re Jack, I\u2019m Lois\u201d (from a man).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s become a point of feminism for me: Men who introduce themselves as Jack don\u2019t get asked if they are \u201creally\u201d John or Jackson. I said to one guy who questioned me, \u201cYou introduced yourself as Dave. I didn\u2019t ask if your real name was David.\u201d<\/p>\n

They demand an explanation, and I feel it is very intrusive. I just want to be called what I want to be called. This has been happening for many years, and I haven\u2019t hit on a solution. Any suggestions?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

GENTLE READER:<\/strong> That you give up and call yourself Button.<\/p>\n

In all seriousness, Miss Manners suggests you stand your ground and just continue to assert, \u201cIt\u2019s Jack.\u201d You could alternate with \u201cNope, Jack\u201d until they surrender, or until you can politely change the subject.<\/p>\n

Miss Manners agrees that it is tiresome, but it is also possible that those who are asking politely (not the openly sexist or aggressive ones) are just trying to get to know more about you. You need not change your response, just perhaps acknowledge that while they still may be misguided, not everyone means to offend.<\/p>\n

Read more What do Californians want in a governor? \u2018Traditional\u2019 party policies, voter poll suggests<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS:<\/strong> There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable then when someone who\u2019s behind me in a line stands super close to me.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s even worse if it\u2019s in a supermarket that has one of those conveyor belts that they put their items on without using a divider.<\/p>\n

It makes me feel rushed and anxious, like it\u2019s an intrusion of my personal space.<\/p>\n

Could I somehow ask for a little room without sounding rude or petty? I don\u2019t know the best way to go about this, and I don\u2019t want to be disrespectful, especially if it\u2019s an elderly person.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: The trick is to act as if you are the one who is infringing on their space. \u201cLet me get this out of your way and give you a divider so that you have some room for your wild boar\u201d \u2014 picking the largest item in their cart for maximum distance.<\/p>\n

As far as standing too close in line? Miss Manners recommends you arm yourself with a cart or basket \u2014 and make some (careful but close) wide turns.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more El Ni\u00f1o continues to strengthen. What does that mean for flood risk this winter?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: How can I get people behind me in line to back off?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5289,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: It really is my name, but they claim not to believe me - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6844\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: It really is my name, but they claim not to believe me - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: How can I get people behind me in line to back off?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6844\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-15T08:36:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: It really is my name, but they claim not to believe me\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-15T08:36:03+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844\"},\"wordCount\":655,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6844\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: It really is my name, but they claim not to believe me - 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