{"id":6765,"date":"2026-08-14T09:07:06","date_gmt":"2026-08-14T09:07:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6765"},"modified":"2026-08-14T09:07:06","modified_gmt":"2026-08-14T09:07:06","slug":"harriette-cole-all-i-did-was-buy-my-husband-new-shirts-i-dont-think-i-deserve-this-vitriol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6765","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: All I did was buy my husband new shirts. I don’t think I deserve this vitriol."},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I went out shopping yesterday, and I ended up in a huge fight with my husband \u2014 but not for the reasons you think.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: It was awkward for my brother and I to be treated as a couple<\/a><\/p>\n

My husband started a new job recently. His previous job called for him to be in a uniform almost always, but this new role calls for business casual attire. Based on what I\u2019ve been seeing him put on in his first few weeks, I thought he could use a few new shirts to pair with his new job.<\/p>\n

Instead of criticizing him or mentioning that some of his business casual wear looked a bit old or worn out, I thought I was being thoughtful by simply shopping for him and giving him some other options. He snapped. Without even letting me tell him why I bought the shirts, he accused me of treating him like he\u2019s dingy or unkempt.<\/p>\n

My husband fancies himself a minimalist of sorts, and he said that he does not need me buying him all these clothes or using him as an excuse to keep up my shopping habit.<\/p>\n

I thought I was doing a nice thing, but somehow, we\u2019ve both ended up offended. And somehow, I think returning the shirts will reflect poorly on me. Was I wrong?<\/p>\n

\u2014 New Shirts<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR NEW SHIRTS<\/strong>: Rather than returning the shirts, sit down with your husband after you have cooled off and ask him to listen to you for a minute.<\/p>\n

Tell him you are sorry that you offended him \u2014 that was furthest from your mind. Note that you realized he didn\u2019t have to dress in business casual clothes before because of his previous job, and you thought you would help him by buying a few pieces that might be more in line with his new workplace.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Even though he doesn\u2019t have a specific uniform now, a dress code is still an implied uniform, and he should have fresh things to wear so that he looks professional and in line with his co-workers.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Should I try to take control of my brother\u2019s money?<\/a><\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: Regarding the letter from \u201cDon\u2019t Monitor Me,\u201d you were correct that a person\u2019s boyfriend or girlfriend doesn\u2019t have the right to track their location.<\/p>\n

Perhaps if someone had a job that kept them out late or took them to dangerous places, they might want to designate a trusted friend or family member to be able to locate them in an emergency, but it isn\u2019t necessary.<\/p>\n

We all need to remember that tracking via smartphones is a very, very recent technology, and that for millennia, there was no way to monitor a person\u2019s location electronically, yet society somehow functioned just fine.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

In our family, my unmarried adult daughter \u2014 who sometimes works nights \u2014 voluntarily gave my husband the ability to track her phone, just to ease our minds. She knows that I am an anxious person who sometimes needs reassurance of her safety, but we all agree that I don\u2019t need the temptation to freely track her movements. Her father is much more laid-back and won\u2019t abuse the privilege. We are all happy with the arrangement, which was her idea.<\/p>\n

Phone tracking is a useful tool, but personal boundaries are necessary and should be respected.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Good Decision<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR GOOD DECISION<\/strong>: Thanks for sharing your family\u2019s compromise. Everybody needs to figure out what works for them.<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Pelosi says Biden\u2019s inner circle should have acted: 4 takeaways from Sacramento summit<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He thought I was denigrating his wardrobe, and he snapped.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6765","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: All I did was buy my husband new shirts. I don’t think I deserve this vitriol. - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6765\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: All I did was buy my husband new shirts. 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