{"id":6637,"date":"2026-08-12T09:37:14","date_gmt":"2026-08-12T09:37:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6637"},"modified":"2026-08-12T09:37:14","modified_gmt":"2026-08-12T09:37:14","slug":"asking-eric-this-woman-from-church-accused-me-of-sending-her-to-the-er","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6637","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: This woman from church accused me of sending her to the ER"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> About once a month a group of us from church go out to dinner. At our last dinner, I was sitting next to a woman I know casually.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: How do I encourage my son after 400 job rejections?<\/a><\/p>\n

The day after this dinner, the woman complained to the person who organized the event that she had to go to the ER because of a reaction to what I ordered. Seems she is allergic to fish, which she knew, but I did not.<\/p>\n

Here is the amusing part: I did not have fish.<\/p>\n

Although I am sympathetic to her plight, I just laughed this off.<\/p>\n

If we go out again with a group that includes this woman, would it be rude to insist she not sit next to me?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Fishy Story<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Story:<\/strong> An ER visit is no laughing matter, so I\u2019d choose another route.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible that there was fish oil or fish derivatives in something you or someone else at the dinner ate (Caesar dressing, puttanesca, Worcestershire sauce, bouillabaisse, or another food with fewer vowels). Cross-contamination in the kitchen is also possible.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

You didn\u2019t know that there was a risk, and seemingly she didn\u2019t think there was, so there\u2019s no fault here.<\/p>\n

But the next time you dine out, it might be useful, instead of insisting she sit elsewhere, to ask if she needs any accommodations. If her allergy is so sensitive that she can\u2019t sit near a triggering food item, then there\u2019s probably a larger issue and it would benefit everyone to get clarity.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not your responsibility to manage her allergy. However, since this is a social group that meets regularly, expressing your concern and asking how, if at all, you can help is a simple and hospitable gesture that would likely contribute to the overall well-being of the group as well as the well-being of this one member.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have a niece and nephew, both now in their 30s. I have always had to ask if they received the presents I have sent them for their birthdays, holidays, graduations, et cetera.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

One of my sisters has had the same experience. This has been a topic that she and I have discussed with them many times over the years.<\/p>\n

When I became a great-uncle, I sent my great-niece presents for her birthday and the holidays, and the pattern continued with me having to ask if the present was received.<\/p>\n

This past year I had to again ask my niece if my great-niece, who is now 10 years old, received the present. I ended up having a fight with her and she wrote me a nasty text.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: On every birthday, these friends demand a payout<\/a><\/p>\n

I have decided to no longer send gifts.<\/p>\n

Also, I was extremely ill two years ago and was knocking on heaven\u2019s door. During that time, I never received a phone call or text from them asking how I am.<\/p>\n

The decision was made to change my beneficiaries and leave what was to go to them to my niece from another sister who has continued to stay in touch, check in, visit, invite me to her home, and treat me like the family that we are.<\/p>\n

Am I wrong in cutting out my great-niece and now my great-nephew, born this past year? By the age of 10, a child should have been educated in the words \u201cthank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 Resources Redistributed<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Resources:<\/strong> You\u2019re free to leave what you want to anyone, for any reason. So, the short answer is you\u2019re not wrong to cut out your great-niece and great-nephew if you so choose.<\/p>\n

While your great-niece didn\u2019t write you a \u201cthank you\u201d note for the last present, your conflict isn\u2019t really with the children, so add that consideration to your thinking. It\u2019s clear that the parents don\u2019t have the same values you do around expressing gratitude. Your conflict is really with them.<\/p>\n

It also seems that gratitude is only part of the problem. The larger issue seems to be the lack of care they\u2019re showing for your relationship in general.<\/p>\n

It sounds like you\u2019ve had some conversations about it, but it may be helpful to be more direct in talking about how you\u2019d like to be in their lives and seeing if that\u2019s what they want, too. It\u2019s OK to say that it matters to you when relatives show up, check in, communicate, and express care and concern. They may be willing and interested in stepping up; they may not.<\/p>\n

With inheritance, it\u2019s helpful to think about what you intend the money to do. Oftentimes people will bequeath money or belongings as a symbol of the strength of a relationship. If that\u2019s what you\u2019d like this money to do for your great-niece and great-nephew, it may be helpful to first think about if\/how you can build better relationships with them while you\u2019re living and let those efforts and results guide your estate planning going forward.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: The bride wants a simple wedding but the mothers have hijacked the plans<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just laughed it off because I’m not the one who triggered her allergy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: This woman from church accused me of sending her to the ER - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6637\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: This woman from church accused me of sending her to the ER - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I just laughed it off because I'm not the one who triggered her allergy.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6637\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-12T09:37:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: This woman from church accused me of sending her to the ER\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-12T09:37:14+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637\"},\"wordCount\":917,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6637\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: This woman from church accused me of sending her to the ER - 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