{"id":661,"date":"2026-05-28T08:36:39","date_gmt":"2026-05-28T08:36:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=661"},"modified":"2026-05-28T08:36:39","modified_gmt":"2026-05-28T08:36:39","slug":"miss-manners-how-can-i-smack-down-the-gloating-neighborhood-busybody","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=661","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: How can I smack down the gloating neighborhood busybody?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: I live on a private lane of just five houses, each with large surrounding fields. After mowing my (perfectly dry) field, I went over to my neighbors\u2019 to perform a courtesy mow of theirs, as they both work full-time.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: She has a boyfriend but she\u2019s constantly clinging to my husband<\/a><\/p>\n

On the second turn, my full-size tractor sank deep into the mud, and any attempt at freeing it merely dug it in deeper.<\/p>\n

I called a tow truck, and just as the cable was being hooked up, the self-appointed \u201cmayor\u201d of our private lane appeared, full of smiles, apparently just to gloat at my predicament. He offered the advice of staying away from wet patches \u2014 duh! \u2014 and then told the tow truck driver that he was blocking traffic, such as there is on our street.<\/p>\n

I assured him that we would be out of the way as expeditiously as possible. Later that day, I sent him an email to thank him for \u201ccoming down to help.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wonder if Miss Manners might have a more effective and less passive-aggressive way to let him know that his commentary was not appreciated.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Irritating and self-aggrandizing as such behavior is, it is worth remembering that perpetrators usually think that they are being helpful.<\/p>\n

And it is, ultimately, harmless. Annoying, but harmless. So Miss Manners recommends going about one\u2019s business. Simply by not paying much attention, you will fail to reward their attention-seeking behavior.<\/p>\n

And that, passive-aggressive or not, is a properly mild punishment.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS:<\/strong> I am the director of marketing and development for a nonprofit organization. My job is to raise money by recruiting both corporate sponsors and individual members.<\/p>\n

Read more Oakley-based petting zoo brings small, adorable animals all over the Bay<\/a><\/p>\n

A woman has become gung-ho about my organization and has started going out of her way to try to drum up support for us. (I should add that this woman does not fit the profile of our group. Specifically, we are a motorcycle safety and awareness organization; she is not a motorcycle enthusiast.)<\/p>\n

While I have no doubt her intentions are good, I neither need nor want her assistance. I would like to convey this to her. How do I do so gently?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: It was Miss Manners\u2019 understanding that keeping supporters attached to a particular not-for-profit organization required constant activity \u2014 and, conversely, that benign neglect would therefore dampen this person\u2019s enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

But if that is not the case, then she recommends the full donor-cultivation press so that you can find out what actually does interest this person \u2014 after which you can identify the professional colleagues at a more suitable institution and send them off in pursuit of her.<\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: I am sometimes treated to acquaintances\u2019 railing that they will leave the state\/country if one candidate or another wins.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll help you pack\u201d is an inappropriate response. Is there anything I can say, over an otherwise friendly meal, that won\u2019t be taken as agreement nor as provocation?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: \u201cDoes that mean those peas are up for grabs?\u201d<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more San Jose classroom aide arrested on suspicion of sending harmful material to student<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Miss Manners: I don’t think my passive-aggressive “thanks” had the desired effect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":90,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: How can I smack down the gloating neighborhood busybody? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=661\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: How can I smack down the gloating neighborhood busybody? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Miss Manners: I don't think my passive-aggressive "thanks" had the desired effect.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=661\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-28T08:36:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: How can I smack down the gloating neighborhood busybody?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-05-28T08:36:39+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661\"},\"wordCount\":588,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/05\\\/d6e357d2c0c1e09171c3fd5fa0d95fef.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=661\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: How can I smack down the gloating neighborhood busybody? 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