{"id":6561,"date":"2026-08-09T10:39:12","date_gmt":"2026-08-09T10:39:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6561"},"modified":"2026-08-09T10:39:12","modified_gmt":"2026-08-09T10:39:12","slug":"asking-eric-how-do-we-bar-our-longtime-friend-from-playing-with-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6561","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: How do we bar our longtime friend from playing with us?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: A retiree bridge group was formed more than 15 years ago with one person teaching several others how to play.<\/p>\n

Read more Horoscopes August 9, 2026: Anna Kendrick, become the master of your destiny<\/a><\/p>\n

As people moved in and out of our area the group expanded and changed over the years. The host home rotates, and whoever wants to play on the game day lets the host know. Sometimes there are several tables playing.<\/p>\n

The health of one of the original members has been deteriorating over the past few years. Mentally they can no longer keep up with the rate of play most of us enjoy. Nobody really wants to play with that individual, and some people will not continue with the group as a result.<\/p>\n

Those of us who want the group to continue are torn between enjoying this pastime and being compassionate for this individual. The problem is we don\u2019t know how to tell this person that we don\u2019t enjoy playing with them anymore.<\/p>\n

Do you have any advice on how to gently tell this individual that they are no longer invited to play? They are well-liked and are welcome to come and watch and socialize, but we think this individual would be hurt by this suggestion and don\u2019t know who should have the conversation or how to broach the subject. We are sadly confused.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Game Change<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Game:<\/strong> There is a way to err on the side of compassion while still enjoying your time socializing and playing. You\u2019re probably right to think that this individual would be hurt by being excluded from play without having any say in it.<\/p>\n

As you noted, the group has changed quite a bit since it was founded; one of the privileges of knowing and socializing with people for a long time is getting to walk with them as they change. Of course, that change is not always easy, for them or for you.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Talk to this individual one-on-one and share what you\u2019ve noticed about their capacity for playing and ask them if they\u2019ve noticed the same thing. It\u2019s possible that this person knows that they can\u2019t keep up and hasn\u2019t considered the possibility of coming just to watch and socialize. Having a conversation about their experience will keep them from feeling disempowered and may open up new options.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also possible that this person is content with the way they\u2019re playing now. That\u2019s their right and it\u2019s hard to find a compassionate way to disinvite them from a group of which they\u2019re an original member. If other members don\u2019t want to play with this person, they can opt not to come or to join another table if there\u2019s enough players in attendance.<\/p>\n

[Eric answered a similar question last year about a card player with cognitive issues. Here\u2019s that letter and a reaction from a reader\u00a0who\u2019d had a brain injury.]<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I\u2019m a 58-year-old daughter to a 94-year-old father and an 83-year-old mother. I love my parents dearly, but we have had no contact for nearly a year.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I know that at any time my father and\/or mother could pass. This is the one stressor in my life \u2013 that I will lose one or both of my parents when we are at odds.<\/p>\n

Read more SF Giants\u2019 Chapman could be facing season-ending surgery<\/a><\/p>\n

My mother and I are polar opposites politically. I am open to any debate; however, my mother has a sign on the door to their house: \u201cNo politics.\u201d So, I do not bring up politics.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, my mother refuses to adhere to her rule. She constantly brings up politics, yet when I attempt to rebut, she shuts down and refuses to engage.<\/p>\n

It is her way. Period.<\/p>\n

I know that my father aligns with me politically, but he \u201cgoes along to get along.\u201d He isn\u2019t going to divorce my mom at his advanced age.<\/p>\n

I am at a loss. How can I reunite with my parents when my mother is so hateful to any view but her own?<\/p>\n

\u2013 No Politics<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear No Politics<\/strong>: It seems that your mother\u2019s sign should come with an asterisk: No politics except mine. Because that\u2019s really what she\u2019s communicating that she wants.<\/p>\n

This is her prerogative and while it may not be pleasant, you don\u2019t have to engage.<\/p>\n

You can set and hold the boundary that she says she wants but to which she won\u2019t adhere. When she starts talking about politics, you can either change the subject without contradicting or correcting, or you can say, \u201cMom, I don\u2019t want to talk about politics. I want to spend time with you and talk about us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, this may not be what she really wants deep down. She may be itching for a debate. If that\u2019s the case, it may help to set a time limit for your visits or choose neutral spaces, like a restaurant, or neutral activities, like a walking tour.<\/p>\n

She may not want or be able to help herself, but if she finds that you won\u2019t take the bait, she may start fishing elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Quakes hire longtime Portland soccer exec Gavin Wilkinson as consultant, reports<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This person ought to know their bridge days are over.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6561","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: How do we bar our longtime friend from playing with us? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6561\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: How do we bar our longtime friend from playing with us? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This person ought to know their bridge days are over.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6561\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-09T10:39:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: How do we bar our longtime friend from playing with us?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-09T10:39:12+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561\"},\"wordCount\":929,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6561\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: How do we bar our longtime friend from playing with us? 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