{"id":6100,"date":"2026-08-02T09:39:32","date_gmt":"2026-08-02T09:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6100"},"modified":"2026-08-02T09:39:32","modified_gmt":"2026-08-02T09:39:32","slug":"asking-eric-when-people-say-never-mind-about-something-i-missed-i-want-to-scream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6100","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: When people say ‘never mind’ about something I missed, I want to scream"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: This is in reference to the letter from \u201cUnrepeatables,\u201d who would sometimes make flippant remarks to two sisters who are hard of hearing, but would reply \u201cnever mind\u201d when asked to repeat.<\/p>\n

Read more SF Giants\u2019 Vitello defends Adames following viral clip from Apple TV broadcast<\/a><\/p>\n

I really need you, and other people, to understand how infuriating the phrase \u201cnever mind\u201d is.<\/p>\n

While you\u2019re right that Unrepeatables needs to learn to hold their tongue, as someone who is hard of hearing, I have to tell you how frustrating it is to have someone mutter things under their breath \u2013 or even say them out loud \u2013 and then say \u201cnever mind\u201d when asked to repeat.<\/p>\n

It isn\u2019t just about negative comments, either. \u201cNever mind\u201d is a trigger for many of us. It makes me want to scream.<\/p>\n

People often joke about how captioning for the deaf\/HOH includes things like \u201cdog barking in the distance,\u201d \u201cominous music\u201d or (my favorite from zombie movies) \u201csquelching noises.\u201d Those little things may or may not be important to the story. Whether they are or aren\u2019t is irrelevant. Having access to them is.<\/p>\n

If Unrepeatables feels the need to comment about something and isn\u2019t heard, the listener needs to have the option of deciding if it\u2019s important or not. Repeat it.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Worth Repeating<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Repeating:<\/strong> Thanks for this perspective. I received a few letters from others in the HOH community that expressed a similar sentiment. You\u2019re right \u2013 \u201cnever mind\u201d isn\u2019t the answer.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

If it\u2019s worth saying, it\u2019s worth repeating. And if it\u2019s not worth saying, it\u2019s probably best left unsaid to begin with.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I have a lot of family who live across the country and also across the world. We are all very close and have wonderful relationships and throughout the years we have all routinely stayed with each other when we visit.<\/p>\n

My husband and I live in a small house with one guest bedroom\/bathroom. Although throughout the years we have happily welcomed people to stay with us, it is simply becoming too much. It\u2019s just exhausting and stressful to try to entertain and feed guests for a week or more, and also, as two seniors on fixed incomes, we struggle to afford the meals out and activities.<\/p>\n

After a couple of days, I am praying for them to leave and becoming extremely resentful of their presence in my home. I don\u2019t like feeling this way about people that I love and care for.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: I just realized the significance of these earrings. Can I still wear them?<\/a><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Complicating this is the fact that certain of our relatives would not be able to afford a hotel when they visit. How can I address this issue?<\/p>\n

\u2013 About to Lock the Door<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Lock<\/strong>: As life goes on and we change, it\u2019s natural for our capacities and our wants to change as well. Those that love us don\u2019t always notice the changes, however, so it\u2019s helpful to be communicative about them.<\/p>\n

To that end, tell your family members directly but kindly that although you love hosting them, it\u2019s become harder than it used to be for various reasons and so you need to make a change.<\/p>\n

Then you can suggest what that change looks like in your mind. You may want to limit the amount of time that people come, or you may choose to be upfront about the costs you incur and ask if folks can help foot the bill. Or you could decide that you\u2019re out of the hosting business altogether.<\/p>\n

None of this is unreasonable and, indeed, your friends and family may be glad to know that they\u2019re not burdening you and eager to find other ways to connect with you.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: When attending a celebration and the invitation states \u201cNo gifts, please, but feel free to donate to the organization which greatly impacted the health and life of the honoree,\u201d do you include any mention of your donation in a card you might bring with your best wishes?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Happy Celebrant<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Celebrant<\/strong>: Yes, for two reasons (at least). First, while many charitable organizations have systems set up to notify someone when a donation is made in their name, this isn\u2019t always the case. So, by including a note about where you donated, you can close the gap and make sure that the honoree(s) know what\u2019s been done.<\/p>\n

Secondly, a note about your donation also gives you the chance to write a line or two about what the organization\u2019s mission and its connection to the honoree\u2019s life means to you personally. In the case of an invite that lists specific organizations, it might be obvious, but it\u2019s still a lovely touch.<\/p>\n

If the invite simply asks for donations in lieu of gifts, freeing you to choose any organization, this kind of note allows you to connect your feelings for the honoree with your hopes for the kind of good that the donation can do in the world.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: August 2, \u2018Wild Bill\u2019 shot and killed during poker game<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s the listener who gets to decide if something should be repeated.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: When people say ‘never mind’ about something I missed, I want to scream - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6100\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: When people say ‘never mind’ about something I missed, I want to scream - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It's the listener who gets to decide if something should be repeated.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6100\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-02T09:39:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: When people say ‘never mind’ about something I missed, I want to scream\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-02T09:39:32+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100\"},\"wordCount\":917,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=6100\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: When people say ‘never mind’ about something I missed, I want to scream - 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