{"id":6020,"date":"2026-08-01T15:08:03","date_gmt":"2026-08-01T15:08:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6020"},"modified":"2026-08-01T15:08:03","modified_gmt":"2026-08-01T15:08:03","slug":"asking-eric-my-husbands-drinking-is-a-problem-and-his-mother-is-another-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=6020","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: My husband’s drinking is a problem, and his mother is another one"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> My husband has struggled with problem drinking for years. At different points over the past several years, he has suffered legal consequences and lost a job.<\/p>\n

Read more Word Game: August 1, 2026<\/a><\/p>\n

After a recent hospital stay, he stopped drinking for many months. Just recently, he has started to drink again, he claims \u201cjust here and there.\u201d It is bothering me and other members of our family because we see it as a slippery slope.<\/p>\n

However, his mother, who he is close with, refuses to acknowledge his problem. She blamed his hospital stay on poor diet despite the doctor\u2019s diagnosis that his health condition was caused by excessive alcohol consumption.<\/p>\n

Most recently, she walked into a family event where no one else was drinking (except my husband), put down a bottle of wine, and said, \u201cLet\u2019s party.\u201d<\/p>\n

How can I let her know without offending her that her \u201caccepting\u201d behavior is impeding his recovery?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Concerned Spouse<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Concerned:<\/strong> You may have to risk offending but consider that a small price to pay in the interest of your husband\u2019s health and safety.<\/p>\n

The kind of denial that your mother-in-law is exhibiting is one of the things that organizations like Al-Anon and SMART Recovery Family were made for. These meetings can help family members of those who struggle with alcohol abuse to recognize the problem, to understand the limits of their own power to make their loved one change and to start processing their own feelings about their loved one\u2019s drinking.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

If you aren\u2019t already going to meetings like this, look into them. You can go in person or online. You are surely carrying a lot of emotional \u2013 and perhaps legal or financial \u2013 baggage as a result of your husband\u2019s drinking and it will be helpful to talk it through and get strategies from people who\u2019ve walked the same road.<\/p>\n

You, unfortunately, can\u2019t control what your mother-in-law does or thinks. That\u2019s something she has to reckon with on her own.<\/p>\n

That isn\u2019t to say you shouldn\u2019t talk to her about it. You can use \u201cI\u201d statements to reflect what you\u2019ve experienced with regard to your husband\u2019s drinking and make requests about how she behaves around him. But it\u2019s up to her to modify her behavior and, ultimately, it\u2019s up to your husband to take responsibility for his drinking and seek treatment that works for him.<\/p>\n

You can support him in this; you can attend meetings with him; you can invite his mother to Al-Anon or SMART Recovery Family meetings, but they have to take the step with you.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: My son, who is in his mid-20s, is in a long-term relationship with James, who is 10 years his senior.<\/p>\n

Read more Kurtenbach: Deebo\u2019s back \u2014 19 thoughts on the return of the incomparable No. 19<\/a><\/p>\n

James graduated with a mechanical engineering degree in 2023 but remains unemployed. While he has applied for several positions, he has not had any success. He refuses to consider work outside of his very specific field, and as a result, my son is entirely supporting him financially, including paying off James\u2019 student loans.<\/p>\n

James refuses to consider part-time employment or even volunteering as a way to network and potentially expand his exposure to employment opportunities and networking.<\/p>\n

My son has confided in me that he is growing very frustrated with this situation. While I try to listen without judgment and remain supportive, I am becoming increasingly concerned that James is taking advantage of him.<\/p>\n

Should I speak up and let James know what I think about the situation or should I keep my opinions to myself?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Helpful Mother<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Helpful:<\/strong> Split the difference. Don\u2019t speak with James, because if you do so, you\u2019ll be inserting yourself into an ongoing conflict in your son\u2019s relationship in a way that will pull the focus away from a solution. James\u2019 \u201cproblem\u201d becomes his mother-in-law rather than his work situation and the way it\u2019s impacting his partner.<\/p>\n

James and your son need to work this out, but it isn\u2019t likely that your push will be the thing that finally snaps him out of this rut.<\/p>\n

However, you can ask your son if he\u2019s open to advice and, if so, tell him what you\u2019re seeing and suggest he be more firm or open with James about what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n

Your son may need someone he trusts to tell him that this isn\u2019t something he has to put up with. Because he\u2019s in his 20s, he may not have the experience of communicating through conflict with a partner and could benefit from some mentorship in how to have these kinds of conversations.<\/p>\n

Because he\u2019s younger than James, he also may not feel empowered to fully speak his mind or he may think, at least in the back of his mind, that James must know better than him. So, your voice \u2013 as support rather than critique \u2013 will be critical.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Downtown San Jose\u2019s coolest new shark isn\u2019t named Celebrini<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He ended up in the hospital. 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