{"id":5901,"date":"2026-07-31T09:36:04","date_gmt":"2026-07-31T09:36:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5901"},"modified":"2026-07-31T09:36:04","modified_gmt":"2026-07-31T09:36:04","slug":"asking-eric-is-it-really-a-mistake-to-move-to-be-closer-to-grown-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5901","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Is it really a mistake to move to be closer to grown children?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: My spouse and I are in our late 60s. Our two kids are in their late 30s.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: It can be horrifying what my son-in-law leaves in his wake<\/a><\/p>\n

Two years ago our oldest moved more than 2,100 miles away with our two grandkids. They had been talking about it for a while. Then, out of the blue, our youngest child moved more than 800 miles away.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t have much family near us. We are retired and have a second home in the state where our oldest lives. The family of our younger child\u2019s fiance lives there, too.<\/p>\n

We are thinking about moving permanently to be closer to our oldest and the grandchildren. We would even see our younger child more.<\/p>\n

I have heard you shouldn\u2019t follow your kids. We miss them all so much and aren\u2019t getting any younger. Your thoughts? Is this a big mistake?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Sad Parents<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Parents:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t seem like a mistake at all. Indeed, because you already have a home there, it seems like a very graceful solution.<\/p>\n

The advice about not following your kids is often about not abandoning your life and support systems and assuming your kids will fill in the gaps. It requires a little more nuance. All of it boils down to clear communication and clear expectations.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

It\u2019s natural to want to be with family, and when your situation changes or your priorities change, it\u2019s natural to want to respond to that change.<\/p>\n

So, talk to your kids about what you\u2019re thinking about doing. Think through what your life would look like if you spent all your time in your second home. What kind of expectations would you have about spending time with your kids and their families? Talk through those with your kids to see if their expectations match up with yours.<\/p>\n

A family is an ecosystem. When one aspect of that ecosystem changes, it affects everything else. You\u2019re free to move wherever you want to move, but it\u2019s important to do so with clear eyes about how your life will be different. It\u2019ll also help to think about what you can do to fill out your schedule and your support system, should you choose to move permanently.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s good to talk about this with your kids, as well, so that they don\u2019t assume you\u2019ll be babysitting 24\/7 or they don\u2019t assume they\u2019ll have to entertain you all of the time.<\/p>\n

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Dear Eric:<\/strong> Father\u2019s Day has always been important to me. I\u2019m almost 70 years old and I\u2019m very fortunate that my father is still living. I have a lot of respect for him, and he has been a role model in my life.<\/p>\n

My wife and most of my friends have already lost both parents so I don\u2019t take this holiday for granted.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My wife rarely listens to songs, even those I write for her. Am I expecting too much?<\/a><\/p>\n

We always get together with my father on Father\u2019s Day or take him out for dinner the night before. We also give him a card and a small gift which he appreciates.<\/p>\n

We have been very generous with our two sons, both financially and with our time. We have a good relationship with both of them and our daughters-in-law.<\/p>\n

Our sons, who are also fathers, celebrate with their own families but don\u2019t seem to recognize the holiday\u2019s importance to me.<\/p>\n

One lives several hours away and the other lives out of state, so I don\u2019t expect a personal visit. I will receive a gift from them, but it\u2019s always after the actual holiday and they never send a card. They also do this to my wife on Mother\u2019s Day.<\/p>\n

This year, neither of them took the time to call me and I was very hurt by this. The next time they call and ask me if I had a good Father\u2019s Day, I plan to tell them this.<\/p>\n

Am I being overly sensitive or should I just lower my expectations and let it go?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Confused Dad<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Dad<\/strong>: You\u2019re not being overly sensitive and it\u2019s so important to communicate with our loved ones about how we like to be shown love.<\/p>\n

You may not want to wait until they call and ask. Instead, consider reaching out and telling them that Father\u2019s Day (and any other special day) means a lot to you and when they call it reminds you that you\u2019re valued. Explain to them what\u2019s happening on your side of the street when you don\u2019t get calls. Ask them to try to make it a priority to reach out in the future.<\/p>\n

Sometimes those we love don\u2019t do all the things we wish they would. And it\u2019s easy to read those slights as a lack of care. When that happens, it\u2019s helpful to talk it out.<\/p>\n

You may find that they don\u2019t realize how important the day is for you and don\u2019t understand what they\u2019re conveying by not picking up the phone.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: July 31, Apollo 15 astronauts use a lunar rover for the first time<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We are retired and we miss them so much.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: Is it really a mistake to move to be closer to grown children? - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5901\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: Is it really a mistake to move to be closer to grown children? - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We are retired and we miss them so much.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5901\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-31T09:36:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: Is it really a mistake to move to be closer to grown children?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-31T09:36:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901\"},\"wordCount\":932,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5901\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: Is it really a mistake to move to be closer to grown children? 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