{"id":5826,"date":"2026-07-30T09:37:32","date_gmt":"2026-07-30T09:37:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5826"},"modified":"2026-07-30T09:37:32","modified_gmt":"2026-07-30T09:37:32","slug":"miss-manners-honestly-women-need-to-make-this-point-and-loudly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5826","title":{"rendered":"Miss Manners: Honestly, women need to make this point, and loudly"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: As women, it is not our job to salvage a man\u2019s ego when he cannot take \u201cno\u201d for an answer. Honestly, we need to make this point, and loudly: NO MEANS NO.<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: I never signed off on the trip my teen took with her friend<\/a><\/p>\n

If someone asks you on a date, it is perfectly OK to say, \u201cThat\u2019s very nice of you, but no, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

It is then up to the other person to accept that answer \u2014 not to keep pushing and keep asking. It is up to that person to manage THEIR OWN feelings.<\/p>\n

Women are taught to avoid bruising men\u2019s egos; we are expected to manage their feelings, as well as our own. And then we are called \u201cemotional\u201d or \u201ccrazy\u201d when we react the same way men often react in certain situations.<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: A bit of advice on style rather than on the substance of your point: Any person, male or female, is liable to be called \u201cemotional\u201d when they give their responses out of order or without regard to the other person in a dialogue.<\/p>\n

It is understandably frustrating \u2014 if, unfortunately, all too common \u2014 to be forced to repeat essentially identical interactions with different people. But as Miss Manners trusts you know, yelling at someone at the start is not a solution.<\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS<\/strong>: We moved to a new home, and our terrace affords an excellent view of our local July 4 fireworks. We invited some friends over for barbecue and fireworks-viewing.<\/p>\n

One of our guests stayed inside for most of the day due to the heat, while the other guests were in and out all day. I stayed inside with her, and my husband stayed outside.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

So in attending to her, I neglected the other guests. How better to handle this?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Did the private conversation with your husband go something like this?<\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: July 30, India plunged into world\u2019s biggest blackout<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cCould you look in on her, too, so I can spend time with the other guests?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to be in there with her 100% of the time. She\u2019s a grown woman, it\u2019s not that hot out here, and she knew it was an outdoor event when she accepted the invitation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Miss Manners does not ask this to malign your husband, who may be a perfect host. She is merely borrowing him to make some valid points \u2014 none of which excuse him from splitting the looking-in duty with you.<\/p>\n

[The Asking Eric column answered a letter about the same situation. Here\u2019s what Eric said.]<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR MISS MANNERS:<\/strong> In hot, humid weather, my hands can be quite sticky, and I\u2019m reluctant to offer a wet palm when asked to shake hands.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s the best way to handle this? Is it rude to try to wipe my hand off first? Should I say \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m so hot\u201d if someone extends their hand?<\/p>\n

GENTLE READER<\/strong>: Not shaking a proffered hand is rude, and explaining that you have one of several perfectly proper exceptions to this rule is generally not an interesting topic of conversation. As your situation is repairable, it does not fall into the category of reasons not to shake.<\/p>\n

Say nothing, but first wipe your hand as surreptitiously as you can.<\/p>\n

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My neighbor came over six times yesterday<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: I ended up stuck in the house with the one guest who wouldn’t go outside.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5289,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5826","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nMiss Manners: Honestly, women need to make this point, and loudly - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5826\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Miss Manners: Honestly, women need to make this point, and loudly - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: I ended up stuck in the house with the one guest who wouldn't go outside.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5826\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-30T09:37:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Miss Manners: Honestly, women need to make this point, and loudly\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-30T09:37:32+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826\"},\"wordCount\":621,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/afa6305b0bc2ad18ff319793b8dcff0b.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5826\",\"name\":\"Miss Manners: Honestly, women need to make this point, and loudly - 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