{"id":5648,"date":"2026-07-28T09:37:13","date_gmt":"2026-07-28T09:37:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5648"},"modified":"2026-07-28T09:37:13","modified_gmt":"2026-07-28T09:37:13","slug":"asking-eric-i-dont-know-the-bride-and-im-baffled-about-the-gift-protocol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5648","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: I don’t know the bride, and I’m baffled about the gift protocol"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric:<\/strong> In these financially tight times for some of us senior citizens, I find myself being asked for a lot of gifts.
\nWhere can I draw the line without offending?<\/p>\n

Read more Harriette Cole: My boyfriend doesn\u2019t like that I won\u2019t share my location<\/a><\/p>\n

Recently, I gave an expensive engagement gift. Emily Post used to say if you gave an engagement gift you didn\u2019t have to give a wedding gift. I will be giving the couple another significant gift for their wedding. I\u2019m attending their destination wedding at some considerable cost to me because of my relationship with the groom\u2019s parents.<\/p>\n

I have now been invited to a bridal shower. I can\u2019t attend. Must I send a gift? I have never met the bride and assume I made it on the invite list due to the engagement gift. What\u2019s the right thing to do?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Feel Like an ATM<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear ATM:<\/strong> Short answer: You don\u2019t have to send a gift for the bridal shower.<\/p>\n

In addition to Emily Post\u2019s guidance, I\u2019ll say that you need not feel compelled nor expected to give beyond your means.<\/p>\n

Weddings can become multipart affairs, with many different opportunities for gift-giving. The key word is opportunities \u2013 not obligations.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to remember that the main objective is celebrating the couple getting married. If you can afford to give a wedding gift in addition to traveling for the destination wedding, that\u2019s wonderful, but the couple should not expect a gift at every event from every guest. It\u2019s simply not reasonable.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I am finding that I don\u2019t much like getting older. My husband and I have just learned that we need to be closer to medical help, so we must sell our current home, which we love, and move.<\/p>\n

We have two sons, both of whom we love dearly, who each want us to build a little home on their property so we can be close enough that they can help us, if necessary, but still be independent.<\/p>\n

For many reasons we would like to build on one son\u2019s land and not the other. How do we tell them this without giving the reasons, which are very real to us? I can\u2019t bear to hurt either of them.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Property Brothers<\/em><\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Dear Property:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry that you have to move away from a home that you love. That\u2019s a hard transition and there may be some grief involved in it. It\u2019s good, however, that you have a support system eager to step up and help you.<\/p>\n

Your sons know that you can\u2019t live in two places at once and it seems likely that they both have your best interests in mind. So, if you don\u2019t want to give the specific reasons, it\u2019s fine to thank them both for their offers, acknowledge that you can\u2019t take both paths, and tell them that you\u2019ve made the choice that makes the most sense for you.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: I don\u2019t understand when you should arrive for a party<\/a><\/p>\n

There\u2019s no need to belabor it or debate it. The focus should then shift to how you all, as a family, can work on the logistics of the move and set you up for this new phase of your life.<\/p>\n

There are plenty of ways that the son with whom you won\u2019t be living can still show up and support you, be it in the form of transportation help, errands or just company. You may want to think through some of those additional needs in advance so that you can direct him if need be.<\/p>\n

If you have the capacity, at some point you may want to check in with him to make sure he\u2019s not feeling hurt. But this would really be for your own peace of mind and in the interests of keeping clear lines of communication open. It\u2019s not your responsibility to manage this.<\/p>\n

The most important thing to remember is that your sons want to help you during what might be a stressful and taxing time in your life.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> I just read your response to the person having difficulty understanding service agents on the telephone (\u201cConfusing Call\u201d).<\/p>\n

As someone who is deaf and uses a cochlear implant, I have found a solution that works very well for me. If you use a smartphone of any type, go to \u201caccessibility\u201d and then \u201chearing\u201d and turn on the captions.<\/p>\n

You will get captions of everything that is being said by the other person. It has reduced my stress level tremendously when making calls to banks or telecoms.<\/p>\n

There is also a caption service called Innocaption that does the same thing and is paid for by the federal government. Hope this helps; it took me a few years to find these services.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Captioned<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Captioned<\/strong>: Thanks for these great suggestions. The accessibility features on smartphones (and other devices) can be game changers.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: My marriage might not survive the road trip I have planned<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: We don’t want to reveal our reasons for not moving onto our son’s property.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Eric: I don’t know the bride, and I’m baffled about the gift protocol - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5648\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asking Eric: I don’t know the bride, and I’m baffled about the gift protocol - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: We don't want to reveal our reasons for not moving onto our son's property.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5648\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-28T09:37:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Asking Eric: I don’t know the bride, and I’m baffled about the gift protocol\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-28T09:37:13+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648\"},\"wordCount\":906,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/389182809338810e47ff648c644f685f.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5648\",\"name\":\"Asking Eric: I don’t know the bride, and I’m baffled about the gift protocol - 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