{"id":5499,"date":"2026-07-26T09:06:26","date_gmt":"2026-07-26T09:06:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5499"},"modified":"2026-07-26T09:06:26","modified_gmt":"2026-07-26T09:06:26","slug":"asking-eric-i-saved-a-strangers-life-and-i-want-him-to-stop-calling-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5499","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: I saved a stranger’s life and I want him to stop calling me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Eric<\/strong>: A few years ago, I was directly responsible for saving a stranger\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Nobody likes my sister. Must I keep inviting her for holidays?<\/a><\/p>\n

Soon afterward \u201cPeter\u201d and his family reached out to thank me and ask to meet me, obviously under better circumstances. I agreed to the meeting and, to be blunt, I regret it completely.<\/p>\n

Peter is a perfectly decent person. But we just don\u2019t have anything in common.<\/p>\n

But he and several members of his family will not stop calling me, texting me, et cetera. I\u2019m his hero, which in their eyes seems to translate to being his friend. But, honest to God, I do not like him. To be blunt, he annoys me.<\/p>\n

He has done nothing wrong. He is just not someone who I would choose to be friends with.<\/p>\n

However, I keep responding due to feeling horrible about it\/how we actually met.<\/p>\n

I have backed off considerably in responding to text messages, hoping that they would take a hint, but he and his family haven\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t wish to be friends with any of them. I just don\u2019t know how to do so without hurting their feelings. Any advice on how to get rid of them?<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

I know I sound horrible and I\u2019m sorry, but I seriously need them to stop bothering me.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Not the Hero<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Hero:<\/strong> Your core desire \u2013 to not be drawn into a relationship with people you don\u2019t jibe with \u2013 isn\u2019t so horrible. If you hadn\u2019t met while saving Peter\u2019s life, it would probably be easier to disengage. Some people don\u2019t get along and that\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible to have a \u201cbreakup\u201d conversation that\u2019s brief, clear and kind. Tell Peter that you\u2019re glad you were able to be there for him but that the ongoing contact has been a little intense. It\u2019s fine to say something along the lines of \u201cI\u2019m not in a place to be friends but I wish you well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

This may sting to hear but it\u2019s better to be honest in this way than to carry resentment. What you\u2019re doing is communicating what you want, rather than continuing to try to meet his expectations.<\/p>\n

He may feel that the universe brought you together, but the universe did not necessarily bring you together forever. Tell him that you\u2019re glad to have saved his life and you wish him nothing but the best for the rest of it.<\/p>\n

Read more Today in History: July 26, Hillary Clinton wins nomination for Democratic presidential candidate<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> My husband and I have been married 10 years. I\u2019m 84 and he is 75 now.<\/p>\n

My vision was to travel a bit and enjoy retirement. Two years into the marriage he started falling; after many neurologist visits and many medical tests, it was determined he has severe neuropathy.<\/p>\n

He cannot walk or drive. He works out three times a week in an effort to maintain what mobility he has.<\/p>\n

I work daily to keep him motivated and supportive. Nevertheless, I want to travel. I want to be free. I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m so frustrated.<\/p>\n

Do I stay with him, or do I leave and go my own way? I feel so guilty when I think this way, but this is not what I signed up for. I don\u2019t know what to do. Please, help me.<\/p>\n

\u2013 Stuck Wife<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Wife<\/strong>: No one knows what they\u2019re signing up for when they begin a relationship, particularly marriage. We are all almost guaranteed to be presented with unexpected challenges. Part of the solution involves accepting what we cannot change. But an equal part involves knowing when and how to reach out for help.<\/p>\n

So, there are other options besides leaving him and staying stuck.<\/p>\n

First, it\u2019s helpful to acknowledge that this is not what he chose. It\u2019s a hard situation for both of you, in different ways of course. It\u2019s OK to acknowledge that this is not how you saw your life going. Preventing yourself from doing so will just lead to resentment, which will poison your marriage.<\/p>\n

Next, have a conversation with him about bringing in help that will allow you time to travel and refresh yourself. That might look like a home health aide, a friend or relative, or someone else, depending on the specific needs he has. Ask him about his feelings on the matter. He may well want you to pursue this part of your dream.<\/p>\n

Traveling involves coming back. It\u2019s possible that some of the guilt and frustration you\u2019re experiencing stems from feeling trapped. There are some aspects of his health challenges that are keeping you both from the lives you wanted.<\/p>\n

But take a lesson from the way he works out regularly to maintain mobility. He can\u2019t do exactly what he wants but is doing what he can. You can, as well, while still maintaining a connection to and caring for someone that you love.<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Green Day in Gallagher Square, Guillermo del Toro, Dumbledore: The best things we saw Friday at Comic-Con<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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