{"id":5385,"date":"2026-07-25T09:06:01","date_gmt":"2026-07-25T09:06:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5385"},"modified":"2026-07-25T09:06:01","modified_gmt":"2026-07-25T09:06:01","slug":"harriette-cole-this-man-from-my-past-is-back-as-my-friends-boyfriend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5385","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: This man from my past is back as my friend’s boyfriend"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I just found out my friend is dating a guy I slept with a couple of years ago back in college.<\/p>\n

Read more Miss Manners: They seem to think my home is some immersive Instagram experience<\/a><\/p>\n

None of my friends knew; it was a one-night stand, and I was too ashamed to tell them a secret that I thought would never resurface. Now, two years later, one of my best friends is seriously dating the guy. They\u2019ve been going steady for a few months now.<\/p>\n

My friend and I live states away and don\u2019t catch up as often as we should, which is why I\u2019m only just finding out. I don\u2019t believe they\u2019ve been intimate yet, but I wonder if I should be honest with my friend about the night I shared with this guy.<\/p>\n

Would I be ruining something good with old, irrelevant news? Or would my friend genuinely want to know?<\/p>\n

The other factor that keeps gnawing at me is that he knows of our friendship. Now, he could have grown genuine feelings for my friend, but I feel a little uneasy that he would pursue the friend of someone he\u2019s already slept with.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure how to proceed. If you were in this situation, would you tell your best friend?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Love Triangle<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR LOVE TRIANGLE:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing that if what you had with this guy was only a one-night stand, it doesn\u2019t mean anything to either of you. I hate to say it, but there is even a chance that he may not remember.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

That said, you called her one of your best friends. I don\u2019t think you should hide it from her, nor make it a big deal. Tell her you went out with him once and whatever your impression was. If he seemed like a nice guy, say so.<\/p>\n

If she wants to know more, spill the beans: It was a one-night stand, and a one-night stand only. There it is, on the table.<\/p>\n

Read more Dear Abby: Should I write an erotic memoir for my children to find when I\u2019m gone?<\/a><\/p>\n

She will have the information. You will have been transparent, and it shouldn\u2019t be a big deal.<\/p>\n

DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: I\u2019m starting to take something personally, and I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m overreacting. Lately, whenever I start talking to someone new \u2014 whether it\u2019s a potential date or even just a new connection \u2014 it seems to fizzle out almost immediately.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

We might exchange a few texts or have a short phone call, but then they either stop responding or cancel plans altogether. Over the course of a year, this has happened four or five times \u2014 enough that I\u2019m beginning to wonder if the problem is me.<\/p>\n

Am I coming across as boring? Am I saying something that turns people off without realizing it? I try to be engaging and genuine, but now I find myself overthinking every interaction.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s discouraging and honestly a bit embarrassing. How can I figure out what I might be doing wrong and rebuild my confidence in the process?<\/p>\n

\u2014 Losing Interest<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR LOSING INTEREST:<\/strong> As disheartening as this seems, don\u2019t give up hope. You are making the effort to put yourself out there. Maybe put yourself in different places.<\/p>\n

The cliche of getting involved in activities that interest you where other people might go is actually a good idea. Enroll in a class. Join a gym. Go to museum and art openings. Put yourself in the company of people who share your interests. Then, boring won\u2019t be a part of the equation at all. Don\u2019t give up!<\/p>\n

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more LeBron James spurns Warriors for 76ers in free agency saga. Here\u2019s what it means.<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I kept him a secret. Should I tell her now?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHarriette Cole: This man from my past is back as my friend’s boyfriend - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5385\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harriette Cole: This man from my past is back as my friend’s boyfriend - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I kept him a secret. 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