{"id":5288,"date":"2026-07-24T08:07:09","date_gmt":"2026-07-24T08:07:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5288"},"modified":"2026-07-24T08:07:09","modified_gmt":"2026-07-24T08:07:09","slug":"dear-abby-hes-smelly-sedentary-and-no-help-at-all-around-the-house","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5288","title":{"rendered":"Dear Abby: He’s smelly, sedentary and no help at all around the house"},"content":{"rendered":"
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DEAR ABBY:<\/strong> I have been married to a wonderful man for 36 years. During the last 12 years, he has had heart surgery and some depression.<\/p>\n

Read more Suspect charged in alleged assault, robbery of Oakland councilwoman<\/a><\/p>\n

He refuses to get out of his easy chair and do anything. He won\u2019t bathe or shower and insists that washing off in the sink is good enough. He smells, and I\u2019m embarrassed to go places with him because of it.<\/p>\n

I have tried to encourage him and let him know how I love a clean-scented man. He just doesn\u2019t care. I won\u2019t even kiss him.<\/p>\n

He refuses to help around the house and expects me to do everything. I still work, and we are raising a granddaughter.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m no longer in love with him but I do love him. I have wanted a divorce for a while now, but, financially, I can\u2019t afford to live on my own. Thank you for any advice.<\/p>\n

\u2014 ALL WASHED UP<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR ALL WASHED UP<\/strong>: You need to discuss this with a doctor who can advise you about the options for treating depression and apathy after heart surgery, as well as an attorney who can help you determine if enough assets have been acquired during your 36-year marriage to allow you to live independently.<\/p>\n

Once you have that information, you may be able to give your husband an ultimatum and force him out of the easy chair and into a healthier lifestyle, which could add years to his life.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

DEAR ABBY<\/strong>: My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have two children. When we met, he worked two union jobs, paid his bills, saved his money and took care of his mother and grandmother when they needed his financial support.<\/p>\n

About six years ago, he decided he didn\u2019t want to work with the union anymore, and I supported him in exploring alternative career paths. He has tried currency trading, personal training and used car sales. Nothing seems to stick.<\/p>\n

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I work five days a week and have a part-time job on the weekends to bring in extra income. We are unable to make ends meet, and my extended family often has to bail us out because we can\u2019t pay our bills.<\/p>\n

I told my husband I need him to start making a decent income again. He said he would, but I see little effort from him in terms of gaining solid employment.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Our relationship is not going well. I have lost faith in him. I want to stay together, but I need him to provide for his family.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how much more of this I can tolerate. Please help.<\/p>\n

\u2014 OVERWORKED AND UNDERWHELMED<\/em><\/p>\n

DEAR O & U<\/strong>: Your husband has gotten comfortable with letting you do the heavy lifting in the family. If you don\u2019t give him specific goals and deadlines, he\u2019s not likely to clean up his act.<\/p>\n

State the exact monthly income you need him to provide, even if he ends up working several part-time jobs to do so. Then give him a certain number of job applications he must complete each day. If he doesn\u2019t reach these goals by a certain date, the next step will be separation.<\/p>\n

This may seem harsh, but remember that you and your kids are suffering because he isn\u2019t pulling his weight.<\/p>\n

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more San Jose planners approve apartment complex in deal tied to historic downtown building<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Plus: My husband’s alternative career paths haven’t paid off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Abby: He’s smelly, sedentary and no help at all around the house - Next City Digest<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5288\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Abby: He’s smelly, sedentary and no help at all around the house - Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Plus: My husband's alternative career paths haven't paid off.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nextcitydigest.com\/?p=5288\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next City Digest\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-24T08:07:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/13065d40d633843429ac57d4e5c06f9b\"},\"headline\":\"Dear Abby: He’s smelly, sedentary and no help at all around the house\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-24T08:07:09+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288\"},\"wordCount\":645,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/400ddbc32064c99c18a90d5350216c76.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Advice\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nextcitydigest.com\\\/?p=5288\",\"name\":\"Dear Abby: He’s smelly, sedentary and no help at all around the house - 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